hey andrew

yea. i am really fine. and things are really looking up for me i think.

y'know, i went to church today and learnt alot about Jesus Christ. alot of things that i knew but werent quite sure. i think that Jesus is so amazing. He's God but He lived as man. He is born of a humble origin but master of His circumstances. He had His doubts and fears but He held His life together by real faith in God. He is probably hated by more people than i know, but He lived a life richer than mine.

Luke 2:52
"And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" -

and i still think life is beautiful though i am still struggling with things close to my heart. like when i see my grandfather being well and all, i am very thankful that God remembers. and now that the house is quiet because the fish died and the pump and filter is off, and then i realised that i cant sleep because i am not used to the silence, but i also realised that i am not afraid of night anymore. like when i make the decision that i will not be ashamed of my emotions just because crying seems to be a sign of weakness.

and that i have just decided that i will be stronger even though i feel that i am not ready to face it, but i am not going to run away. i had wanted to sign up for a three week china exchange programme which i think i probably would get it because i think this semester had been a better one for me.

and i dont want to be sad anymore. a lot of people have been coming up to me and asking how am i. i am very touched and very thankful for them, but i dont want it to be about me all the time. and i dont qutie know whats wrong with myself. and i figured out where to get inspiration for happy drawings. during worship.

and when i think about my family, i feel very blessed. i stayed over at my grandparents place and they were just fussing over me like i was three year old. i enjoyed it because my mom doesnt have time for that. and i was glad too, because that only showed that my grandparents are active senior citizens. and i am going to get new glasses too, because my uncle is free to take me to the shop. and i am thankful for my mom for tolerating with me for nineteen years. she is so strong. and beautiful. in my eyes. and i think about the opportunities that my brother will miss out when he gave up his chance to pursue an education overseas so i might have a turn.

and i am so happy binding books these days because i promised to make books for three people. i finished one. and i am so pleasantly surprised at the results. binding books is tough. like making friends. you need to get the materials, prepare them, and spend lots of time on it, then you get all sort of cuts and pricks when you are not careful, but the end result is beautiful. likewise, when you make friends, you have to prepare your heart to receive a person, then you have to spend a lot of time on it, and just when you werent paying attention to the things you say or do, then you end up getting hurt or hurting others, but i feel that if you truely care and dont give up, maybe things might not turn out too bad eventually. thats what i feel.

and i feel so proud of myself. i am writing poetry. its enjoyable. like drawing. not very good works but i am sorta happy with those results.

and i have so much time for watching teevee. because teevee is not real and they always end up having happy endings. cinderella will find her prince and live happily ever after. the deranged man will find the family waiting for his return and live happily ever after. the bad guy will always die and the good people will live happily ever after. two best friends will always solve whatever misunderstanding they might have and live happily ever after. the forgotten lover will always be loved again and they will live happily ever after. see. happily ever after. its a break from the pains of reality. reality is harsh. but we need to be strong.

and i figured out that i might not need so much stuff. i dont need to have a nice big house and pretty cars and the newest computers and the flashiest clothes and a lot of money in the bank because God doesnt measure success the way we do. and thats a comfort.

yeah. so all in all. i think i am fine. and i will be better because the Lord is faithful and He is good.

so how are you? the female pharmacist in the pharmacy? hahas.

i am going to sleep now because my brother is home and theres noise in the house again.

Psalm91
I won't be afraid anymore/Of the terrors by night/Or the arrow that flies by day/And though a thousand may fall/At my side/And though ten thousand may fall/In Him I'll put all my trust/He who dwells in the secret place/Of the Most High/Shall abide in the shadow/He who dwells in the secret place/Of the Most High/Shall abide in the shadow/I will hide in Your wings always/Your angels stand by to keep me/In all my ways/And though a thousand may fall/At my side/I will say in Him I trust/And though a thousand may fall/At my side/And though ten thousand may fall/I will say of the Lord/That in Him I put all my trust -Lincoln Brewster