and so today i was reading the
papers in school today.
bad choice.
but i didnt cry.
but i was really touched.
the question on why God did that
just kept flashing in my head.
i really dont know.
but i was reading Job,
and i sorta get this:
that if He gives,
then let us be gracious
when He takes it back.
its hard to understand,
i want to be able to explain
to my friend why this had to happen.
it hurts.

met sam this morning.
he was late.
but talking to him allowed
me to think more about the project.
i am thankful that he is patient.

i have been thinking,
that i have my strengths too.
i think my strength lies in
my ability to feel for others.
and compassion for others.
you dont have to agree.
i am very sensitive.
little things make me ponder.

i sat on the left side of the bus today.
i am used to sitting on the right.
cos sara likes the right.
i liked the left.
but i have been sitting on the right.
i like the left,
you can see faces,
whereas the rights,
you see the big picture.
its me,
i want to be close to one or two,
and not the whole lot.
i need intimacy with the people i talk to.

whenever i feel that i cant be independant,
i call you so i can be dependant.
but you failed me numerous times.
it makes it hard for me to call again.
if you didnt want to,
dont say yes.
it hurts.
you always agree so readily,
but back out even faster.

i am a very simple person.
when i say, coffee?
it could mean,
kopitiam one.
doesnt need to be expensive.
it really is the company that i crave.

i am a very simple person.
i try not to disturb people.
but when i call you
it really means i need someone to be with.
you dont have to say anything,
maybe just sit down with me.
quietly.
i will be very thankful.
i am willing to wait an hour,
so i can have company for five minutes.

ming is coming home on friday.
i am very thankful.
small surgery.
ming is my camera.
named after a senior
who is really good at photog.
and very kind too.

i have been dreaming the same
dream about the same person.
even in my afternoon naps.
for a few days.
its quite scary.

caramel frap tasted horrid
alone when you dont want to be.
i didnt want to be alone
in starbucks.
so i sat at the holland ave busstop.
watching cars whizz by
i thought i was angry,
but maybe not.

finished my drink.
went to the next busstop.
saw a balding man,
near st james.
the first thing that came
to my mind was,
EH PASTOR HENRY.
i feel so mean.

took a bus.
had a good bus ride i feel.
didnt want to get down.
wasnt angry.
a little upset.
like i ask for so little,
yet you cant help.
i have given much.
sighs.
but i wasnt angry,
at all.
was thinking about
celebrate worship.
hip hip hooray.
i got a little further.
i was going to cry,
till i discovered God's grace.

on the bus,
i kept thinking about the past.
about some failed friendships
because i didnt make it a point.
then about those that i have invested in.
oh well.
then comes the place i see,
holland village.
my first time there was with denise.
denise is sara.
she brought me to eat chicken rice.
we took a long time to get there.
its not easy.
in our yellows and blues.
we always hang out in the past.
now i cant find her.
plaza sing busstop.
me and yujun and peiqi
sat there after we went to botanic gardens.
laughed at a boy for dropping his stuff.
part of me laughed,
cos he shouldnt wait last minute to
bring home books to study.
part of me was looking
for a plastic bag he could use.
bugis junction road junction.
i met the old man there once.
i walked him to cityhall mrt.
was really nice.
talking to him.

i was very excitedly writing
when i was walking.
cos i am really excited.
i am afraid i will forget.

tim's so sweet.
to min.
and min's so sweet
to tim too.
i like seeing my friends,
in love.

peiqi is really sweet too.
we did the shoot together,
it was really last minute.
but we are sorta done.
praise God for her.

was like an idiot.
trying to pass my thank you notes,
to someone to pass to
the thank you-ies.
maybe its not important anymore.
but i took pride in writing,
my lovely thank you notes.
for your lovely cards to me.

i am done.
i am gonna play badminton tomorrow.
yujun called to ask.
i am really thankful.
shall reply her.

and work on celebrate worship.

blessed beyond deserving. quote/unquote ivan.