learning to laugh at myself and laughing by myself. saturday night, i was smiling for some reasons during campfire practice. eng kee looked and me thinking what a weirdo i was. i starting laughing. i think i dont make sense.

but then again, perhaps i am just happy, over a lot of things. i think we had a good debrief on friday night. it made me happy for a long while.

i gave the books to them already. i think they like it. it made me glad. i think everyone should have a nice book to write in, so i think i will take gie out soon. i miss gie.

meaningless. everything is meaningless, somehow.

was talking to danial and royce. i think its quite hard for them when i talked to them. and just by talking to them, they felt good. that's what i wanna do, but its generally not the direction in the rcy i think.

i am going out to play. since its my last time anyways.

who gave moses bumps?

mo-quitoes.

i am trying to think of an alternative.

hahs. and i was telling edwin that i think i cant communicate well with his kind. i gave him a long nickname.

ian. i found someone who could match up to your sacarsm. he is that good till i dont know whether its a compliment or an insult. your kind.

right.

left.

gone.

praise God.

the carolling thing is making me happy (:


the above was done in camp

i am back.

camp was fun but empty.

scandalous rafflesians

i wonder what rirc seniors teach their juniors. hahas. it was quite funny, really!

andy sir asked me not to leave red cross. but i think i should. but i dont know how to tell him. yah. but i am leaving lah.

i think receiving is so much easier than giving, but then pleasures of giving far surpasses that of receiving. i need to call my mom now.

i wanted to write something. but i forgot.

btw danial turned nineteen today. happy birthday. welcome to being nineteen proper. i dont like my nineteenth year. i think it hasnt been all that a good year.

someone contributed a poem. thank you ivan. i think this is it:

Human plaudits I may have many, but Lord may I seek only You.
Grant me the wisdom to see true from false; value from dross.
Before I came out of my mother's womb I was known; before I went to camp I knew.
Lord I wanted to do this for your glory; just like a story,
You poured out Your favour on us; You lifted up the weak,
You turned our failings into strength; at any length,
I wanted a human success; You taught me how to seek,
How to make me be able; to come to your table,
I knelt down and prayed; on a spiritual high,
You set me free; broke my captivity,
For to Christ I live; and for gain I die.

Amen, Lord.
|| posted by Ivan Chan

so i have two poems now.

hahas.

i was thinking at the bus stop after church on sunday. i really miss my few friends.
especially angel. i am thankful that distance didnt make us less close.
especially denise. because we were so close. i really miss you, knowing that you wont read this makes it easier for me to say that. i really hope you are fine and if you are back already, will you please call me.
especially.. i dont know.

i am the kind who can tell you everything about me if you want me to. but i find it hard to have to call people to tell them about my problems. it feels like i am a burden. haha. but i dont listening. i think i have good ears but bad advice. hahas.

i got to bath and go for tuition.

and call mum!

i think its not going to work out, nobody thinks it will work in the first place. strange me!

falling in love with lots of things. with life, with myself, with work, with God, with His people. aint that amazing (:


am back again

we were talking about mel in the car just now. it broke my heart to think about her. she taught me so much before and to see her now, i feel quite sad. like, she got lots of life before her. and sighs.

then maybe again, i should stop thinking like that. maybe thats not how she feels. see, thats the me i dont want to be. bleh.

since i just came back from camp and feelings for this camp aint as personal as the youth camp, i shall post my thank yous openly here since no one reads it anyways.

mingzong sir - thank you as usual for the same thing, the supper and the burps and the really disgusting story. thank you for jokes, for laughter, for talking and listening to me.

andy sir - thank you as usual again for the same thing, the ride home. really appreciated it! thanks lots. but i dont think i can really stay.

fiona beng - i will miss you lots too because you are so funny. you want to join me in church next week? afterall we live so near.

yuhui - i am no motivation. i am a slacker. dont learn from me. i enjoyed talking to you too. no probs for the lollies, i stole them from someone.

danial and stella - thank you for helping me across the bumboat. its so sweet of ya. and your sweetheart stella. you make me smile, stella, whenever you smile at me. i like the two of you together.

yingsheng - for helping in the kitchen, thank you. and next time you can cook.

poh huat - thank you for all the errands you ran for me. and talking to me.

edwin - thank you for enduring all my the ri-rjc-gep-er-who-likes-to-ignore-me and all my lame jokes. i am sorry for being so irritating.

joan - for helping me get to the campsite and being so accomodating.

weishan - dearie, you are so sweet ya.

eusoff - for helping me with my bleeding ear.

yvonne ma'am - YELLOW shirt. thankies lots.

lalala. so many people. pohboon, rochelle ma'am, ruixian ma'am, louis sir, kuohsiu ma'am, i really cant remember. theres forty two instructors.

and of course, i have to mention, evelyn and engkee.

evelyn - my bath partner, talking partner, sleeping partner. we are practially stuck.

eng kee - three of us were in the same group and am thankful for this brother in Christ.

and the two of them wanted to sleep in the operation room on the second night. i dont know why though. we got the whole bunk to ourselves. so i happily went with them. and then they had duties in the morning at fivethirty. so i told them to wake me up too. the next morning at seven, i realised that they were gone already. i thought i was so tired till i refused to wake, but it is actually out of the goodness in their heart that they didnt wake me up. ahhhhhhh!! so many people were walking in and out of the ops room. and they all laughed at me. they said i look ugly when i sleep. hahas.

and on the third night i wasnt too keen to shower. since i had my shower already. but dear eve wants to shower and dear sarah said that its quite scary to shower alone at night. so with all the love i have in my heart, i ran up to the third floor to get my barang barang. and i went into the guys toilet unknowingly. and poor kim guan was looking at me like i was strange. i really didnt know. thanks to evelyn, she didnt tell me when she saw me opening the door.

anyways. thats all. i am so boring and bored.