i feel nothingness.

strange me.

today i ventured on a bus journey without my concession, first time i did that after a long while. i took 61 from bukit batok. its a very nice bus ride. i love bus rides. they make me sleep. if i am tired, i will try to take the longest ride home so that i can sleep on the bus. bus rides are like a cradle, making me fall asleep. 61 is interesting. it brought me to places i have never seen. or feel that i have seen. i went past pine grove, then i thought i knew people staying there, but cant fit a name to the place, whats more interesting was after that, it was ulu pandan. it doesnt feel that ulu even though i have never been there. hahahaa. i dont like the stuff i saw outside the window. its so uninteresting. never liked the west. its strange. the eastern part of singapore has more interesting stuff. take the bus 31 from marine parade, or 13 through geylang serai. then you will know the difference. i once took this bus to tuas, can you believe how boring tuas was. hahaa.

today i am so tired even after the bus ride. i almost fell off the bench at the bus stop opposite the holland v starbucks. speaking of starbucks, i need coffee therapy man. i miss coffee. i need coffee. i am gonna treat peiqi coffee though i am broke. maybe she can treat me dinner. wahahaahaa. its impossible, i wont allow her anyway. she still got rent to pay, unlike me, my parents paid for the place i am staying in.

been waking up at five to go to keming for today and yesterday. before you gasp and lose your breath at the fact that i can wake up so early, i had plenty of help from my mother. she was like a human snoozer. she will start waking me at 4plus and every 5minutes she will come in to my room to nudge me. i left plenty of traps around the door, yet she made it through. awesome mom!

i wrote a little postcard for my group, sticking a fun pack of m&m. it thrilled them a bit. they were the only group that got a souvenir from their supervisor. some other people came and was pretty envious of their chocolate. i got awesome people in my group. somehow i knew it was the grace of God that all things were possible. i think we are all living in Ggrace time. God's grace time. alright. pretty lame, the way i put it. you get the idea. we won for skit the 2nd prize. which is totally amazing for me cos i always hated the idea of skit in a workshop/camp because it irks me. but i had fun preparing this one. we got special mention for our model making and we got the most points in our sector for the quiz. hahaa. this is the first time i have yet to jinx my group. i am a jinx in whatever group i am. dont console me, its just me. i have learnt to understand that winning is just something to look forward to. maybe thats why i like making stuff for people, because you dont have to win to get something, we didnt win a lottery for Christ to die. see, winning is not everything. hahaa.

the organisers called me in the evening. they are looking for people to help run activities like that on a freelance basis. but i gotta go down to BSS tomorrow. so i cant help. i feel that theres something about me and primary school kids. maybe i wont consider appealing to the secondary school track just because of stinky primary school toilets. will you despise me because i am a primary school teacher? i dont know why, but i have a negative impression of primary school teachers though all the primary school teachers i knew/met were awesome. most of them at least.

i was really negative in my note to aunty karfoon regarding the ponchos and the BB/GB room. call me a bitch if you want. i dont mind, but we really got lessons to learn. alot in fact, stuff i ought to learn too. i always tell doreen, dont count on them, they wont be able to do it until years later maybe. pray. i have been distancing myself from people.

one more paragraph and i am done. HUIJUAN IS VERY BLUR. okay. thats not the point. i dont have anymore stuff to say for this paragraph. i gotta message aicheng! i remembered. i love looking through my old journals. 14 1/2, my graduation tickets are up for grab. just buy me coffee. if you are interested, its 14july, 5pm. my parents are most likely not to be there since i am not like my bro - top few students kind. y'know, half the time i am waiting for you to appear online and when you finally do, i got nothing to say, again, not that i got anything to say to anyone. msn conversations with me are the worst. cos i am BORING. I AM BORING! been bringing my bookbinders around but not doing anything in it.

oh btw. HEYS KINNY!

sleep sleep sleep.

(: