i felt really sad when i read josh's email. as with reen's one back then.
i thought we were really close. but i dont know what we gotta do. i hate this feeling.
why is that i thought we were all mature adults but this had to happen.
it makes me cry because thats not the way it should be.
we all change and i agree.
i dont like talking much now.
i feel that if i have to talk to be understood, then thats not the point.
then all you normal people will say - if you dont say, how i know?
thats the point, if i dont wanna say, i dont wanna you to know.
then why must you be probing and acting smartypants?
and then we are all happy and such.
its not like that now.
i dont know how to say, but i feel that i understand josh in that strange way.
maybe cos we are strange.
like how i am just trying so desperately to avoid someone.
but i dont want confrontation.
and i dont wanna think about it.
and i dont wanna upset anyone.
i just want you to disappear.
but i think he is very brave.
though i dont like the email, but at least he got more courage than me.
DISAPPEAR!
i dont like talking, silly talk is fine.
i dont like journalling, scribbling is fine.
i realised that i like buying nice notebooks for people to journal in.
i always think that perhaps that friend has something to say.
maybe not. maybe i have been wrong all these while.
maybe they got nothing to say at all.
today i was just staring into space and i wanted to say something.
then william was there, so i said -

i dont want to draw closer to God.
i want to be in Him.

he said something about receiving the love of God.
(:





BLUFF.HAHA.I SAID I WONT POST SERIOUS STUFF!




i think december is gonna be a buseeeeeeeeee month.
starting from nov i think.
exams. then GB camp. then the trip. then maybe a short hols to my favourite destination at the moment - melaka. then Christmas. then school starts again! i dont wanna have time to breathe in december! hahaa. let God sustain me.
jer quitted his job and is in tibet now. aint it cool?
peggy bluffed us in year2. she said she will take us to tibet nepal if we were good. spent the nights in the streets till the last night where we will check into some 5star hotel. bluff la. children dont believe your lecturers. haha. just kidding. i once had a -donate to shirley's tibet fund- it was hilarious, i swopped the container that my mom put her loose changes, so she had been contributing to my fund. haha. didnt have enough, just a couple of hundred i think.
theres this talk about bible and science. i wanna go.
and also this tentmaking course. i am not so sure if its too early to go for one..
it says - all professions, esp teachers. or sth like that.
i really wanna learn the guitar. but i got no teacher.
no william.
no timothy.
no cheewee.
okay. i didnt ask tim and zhiwei la.
i want a teacher!
preferably Christian.
i can pay you. but i am stupid in music.
i will doreen. but she has these really beautiful painted nails. hmm. and i feel quite bad cos i didnt manage to finish learning the piano. bleh.