::

2006-08-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

i have moved my blog to shirlyy.blogspot.com

tj

2006-02-21T09:03:00.000-08:00

tj
Originally uploaded by leyy.

something that i did. enjoy while i am gone.

aint he cute? he looks so grown-up here. and hes only 7 months old.

(:

doughnut baby

2005-12-27T06:28:00.000-08:00

doughnut baby
Originally uploaded by shirley_s.

this is doughnut baby. its mine!! haha. from qiqi. hehehe.

(:

thad

2005-11-15T08:52:00.000-08:00

thad
Originally uploaded by shirley_s.

this charming lil fellow is t.j.tham y.y. even his initials are so cute!! hahaha. the big guy is mr r. macdonald. and the hand belongs to mama. little thad needs to be held as he is only 4 months and 2 days old. he can squirm his way out of his carrier thing. and he laughs and laughs when his mummy plays with him. pray that his daddy has more time to spend with him watching him grow up. haha. hmm.. i think he doesnt quite like aunty shirley carrying him cos he doesnt smile much when i do. but when i tell him a story, he will giggle and get high. hm.mm. i am going to tell him the story of moses next time!

(:

2005-09-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

its a bad 1030h onwards day. i went to school earlier today. cos i didnt want to be late for dr ben's lesson. i would rather be late, or better, absent, so i dont have to get back my essay. i got a miserable grade for the essay and horrendous comments. i was upset for the entire day after that. now, i am trying to come to terms with it. i have decided that its not his fault that i got a bad grade. if i am not good, i will try to improve man! the sad thing is that essay is 50% and theres no exams.

got to work harder for my other subjects.
but its gonna be hard to put up C-.
well, i got 3 1/2 more years to catch up.
pray that God will reign in me before i pursue academic success.

and then i got another test. boohoohoo.
its terrible. its a surprise test and i flunk it. i know all the answers but theres one part of the answer that i got all wrong. well well. if its over, its over.

i started thinking about what i was really good at.
sleeping, eating, doesnt really count right.

the third upsetting thing is that i keep feeling hungry. i feel so starved today no matter how much i ate. so i ate and ate and ate. i ate a bun for breakfast. a bun for lunch. a hum ching peng for tea. some pasta for dinner. and a little fried rice. i feel so pig.

and the last is about people. i thought we were all supposed to commit on fridays for cell. so what if the situation is different and the people involved have increased, arent we still supposed to meet? its very upsetting. committment sometimes is * when people dont take it seriously. anyway, i have no idea why they all cant make it and i dont wanna make a judgement.

sometimes i just wish i can disappear for a while.
just a short while.
really short.
a while.
.

(:

2005-09-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

i think i must have been watching too much takuya kimura on teevee.
i likeeeeeeee him!!!
feels like a teenager screaming.
hahaa.
good to feel young again.
printing notes.
hope to start writing my essay outline tonight..

2005-09-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

hahaa. i typed something just now. but some strange video of people dancing came up. hahaha. its one dance that i think i am capable of doing. its so lame.

well. anyways, i am not flustered. a couple of deadlines coming up, but nothing a design student cant cope! hahaa. is psychosocial development has anything to do with social psychology? but i get startled very easily. i jump at little things.

i am going to meet aicheng and priscilla tomorrow! its so nice to see them! i know them for at most four months. we have nothing in common except we are females and we are christians. we dont engage in that office-politics-gossip. we have nothing against our boss. so why i look forward to meeting so much? haha. i dont know. must be God. (: hoping that meeting up will put some things into perspective! aicheng and i only went out once for coffee. because she doesnt want to stay in the office anymore and i wanted a short break. priscilla? we are lunch buddy man! hahaa. we watched pck together! hahaa. people thought we knew each other before i started working at bible society. but oh no, no man! haha. she so graciously let me sit at her desk with her when i didnt have a place to sit. so nice right?! yea! so we are meeting tomorrow!

i dont have so much of a social problem anymore. not too scared about meeting people. at least if they are church friends, poly friends, da jie, i am still very fine!

(:

2005-09-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

i feel trapped by the whole idea of me going to teach some spoilt brats in local schools.
i hate the monotony of school. each week i know i am going to see dr blackburn talk about hitler and films, dr wang talk about the three principles of the people and mao, agnes chang talk about ed psych and eating curry puff in her lecture, its so expected. i know what i will see when i go to school. i hate it. i hate it when i go to the library and see some gorgeous design/photo books and i tell myself not to look at them because i am supposed to do ed psych, or do some hitler stuff. i hate it when i tell myself not to waste time doodling, 'cept during ed psych cos you will miss nothing important, because i have to write out the interview questions and find someone to conduct that stupid interview on. i hate school. i hate the library. i used to look forward to something exciting each day in school. i used to like school in the past. because each lesson was different. we had cake for dap, we had animation for illustration, we had advertistment for advertising. it was different. i hate stuff that i am doing now.

the best parts of a day/week/month is when
- i read the bible
- i draw
- i play with the guitar cos i cant play the guitar yet
- i have a lazy afternoon at some coffee shop
- i walk around looking aimless
- i have a good strawberryberry tart at starbucks
- i go to the beach to have a sun tan

the stuff in colour is what i do on a daily/less than regular but still more regular basis.

i am sorry if i sound upset. theres really nothing to be upset about actually in life.

i am trying to save money. not that thats a bad thing but i dont know what am i saving up for. for a better life tomorrow? for georg jensen cutlery in my house next time. i want finer things in life but i dont understand why. for now, i just want to go on a trip, trip trip trip. why do i not have good friends to go on trips with me? peiqi got silver for crowbar. hip hip hooray! but shes not free at the end of this year to go for trip because all her colleagues took off le. i havent asked vion, but i reckon she will go with her family.

i need to be excited for life again. and maybe pray for some courage to venture out on my own. no more just sentosa or pulau ubin. i am sure i can go further than that. i dont wanna go malaysia on my own. meanwhile i will think of a holiday destination that i think i can cope by myself. must be an english speaking place. cos my french totally cannot make it. i can go je'taime, je'taime all day long, but i dont think any frenchman would appreciate that. hahahaha. oh. i know something else. my favourite. vin blanc. i could get drunk on it and that will the end of my trip. hahaha.

and no more stoning in libraries. hahahaha.

i am not even going hahaha when i type those hahahaha.

my notebook is going to crash. and now its the time to decide whether its a new notebook or a camera. lallaa.

(:

2005-09-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

yesterday, min, sarah and myself went to pepper lunch at ngee ann city for dinner. i kinda liked it. now i missed it. min went back today with tim for dinner. haha. that GREEDY girl! hahaa. well, i wanna go back there too! i asked william if he wants to go with me and he asked if i fa da recently. if you have been following the progress, i HAVENT treated william and josephine yet. and their child is almost three months old le. hahaa. i guess i like the meat. yum yum. i love meat more than vegetable. i love beef! yum yum beef! i only started eating beef when i entered poly. cos i was not supposed to eat beef cos of my parents' religion. but when i realised that it doesnt concern me in the sense, i started devouring beef. i dont eat it at home though, its my way of showing respect to my parents.

what was just the title of the book has progressed to having a theme and a story. i am sooo excited. its like i see it in the head! and its awesome! i cant wait for novembre to come! its a little words book. hahaa. cos i figured with the last book that i cant really write well. not that i draw well. but.. well. saves some time and less fault. i know i promised pictures to soooo many people. but i am sorry, inspiration is just not coming. and there are some which i promised to myself that they will get something, i am still trying! and theres always shuling, whose four seasons have started and stopped in the cross of a summer and a spring. and theres baby thad, he will be five years old before i finish drawing his one and two year old shirts, and minny! that woman is getting married next year and i have yet to complete!! argh! shes gonna kill me man!

but there are people i wont draw for. i dont know why. that hurt is getting too deep its becoming hatred. it hurts.

sinned. and fallen short of His glory. but His glory is what we desire to see. not sure of the song, but it is just in my mind.

...

2005-09-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

i ate so much. i think i ate so much more today than any other day this week. but i still feel like eating.

tsing tao beer. we talked about it in class today. hahaha. dr wang said that this beer tasted like german beer instead of china beer. because germany was there in the past. its kinda weird where dr wang stood today. he stood behind me. maybe cos he thought he would be blocking me if he stood in front of me. but i want to see his face and not the screen. hahaa. dr wang's quite funny. but i am having problems taking notes in his class. he rattles and rattles and rattles and its so exciting but i have to first decipher what he's saying, then come to an understanding and jot down notes and by the time, hes already at the third point le. hahaha. dr wang wears a striped polo shirt and brown pants and this cutsey belt each lesson. (:

i feel like drinking beer. not mugs and jugs of them. but just little sips of different beer.

this is the month of meeting up isnt it? i met huimin and sarah for dinner. ~~i am meeting amanda~~ next week. and da jie and hedges next week too. and got to meet up with andy sir. should call ek out sometimes. and vincent sir. whoawhoawhoa.

i feel like a troublemaker lately. i am having issues with so many people. so many things and soooo many i dont know what.

i dont like my * i am having problems with *

whatever~

2005-09-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

i just thought it was dark and quiet and all. but there was really not much of fear. it was quite peaceful. i know God is with me. i didnt think God that much. but He is with me. i think He sensed the fear i have, though i was not aware, and shortened the route a whole lot. it was so far when i walked with peiqi, but when i was going home, it feels so short.

i thank God for that assurance.
and the protection.
and for sustaining me.
and for the one dollar i have in my hand.

(:

2005-09-19T06:21:00.000-07:00

today somebody attempted to jump down from the admin block. i was not very affected because i dont know the person. i didnt go kaypoh as with the rest, but i looked around the canteen, the people i knew were either with me or eating happily somewhere in the canteen. but to a certain extent, i was affected nevertheless. i hated the way some people take life so lightly. they treated dying, sucide, death like a joke. i think sucide is a joke anyway. and a bigger joke, to attempt sucide infront of the most prominent building in school during lunchbreak is an even bigger joke. but still you dont have to give snide comments and all. whatever. praying that the person finds some courage to face life. afterall, God gives second chances right?

today we had dr wang's class. i thought hes like really charming. he reminds me of terence. he speaks mandarin so beautifully. i rather he conducts the class in mandarin. hahaa. but, i probably wont understand much. yups, thats dr wang man! i wished his class didnt have to end toady. i wanna hear so much of chinese history and mao.

we talked about future spouses today. i cannot remember why though. it must be my tan gang qin stupidity.

we are going bowling tomorrow! i wonder how they are doing in their bowling thing today!! haha.

my knee hurts hurts hurts. i cant walk down the stairs officially now. so i lazed in bed instead of running!

hahahahahaha.

laziness has its excuses!

(:

2005-09-18T08:10:00.000-07:00

i feel so blessed by uncle weeseng's sermon! i feel so thankful that our God is not fair, because He is more than fair.

an awesome God we are serving.

(:

crystal jade macau cafe is not bad. hahaa. they said i eat too much. haha. but the food is really not that bad. one plus point is that the seafood is really fresh. the prawns, especially the one in the soup is so succulent.

thad thad grew longer. and i finally saw shannen. and guess josh said about this little girl - he is so handsome. haha.

hannah is sick. manuel is sick too. pray for these two little darlings. no wonder the church is so quiet today.

on top of shanghai and australia and vietnam, my other holiday destination is macau. not to go there to gamble la. but just for the sights and the foooooooood! i should go ask vion. shes the most easygoing-kindhearted-sweet girl i know.

hahaha.

you think i can wake up early enough to jog. i know the knee is not too good yet, but i just wanna move about la. hahaa!

i am crazy.

crazy for Him!

(:

2005-09-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

i missed GB this morn cos i overslept. frankly speaking, i have never missed GB in this manner before. at the very most, i will be late for 15 min, give, take 5. we left the bowling alley quite late last night, but i really dont attribute the entire waking up late because of that. we left around 2, by the time john sent me home, 2.30? i chatted a bit with jing, see hows her shingles doing. washed up, brushed my pearlies, rewrite my essay, did my quiet time, i slept around 4 plus. stupid me la, wanted to rewrite my essay after i reached home, an action done on impulse, but no regrets whatsoever. and i never missed red cross this way in the past either. when i was sec dont know what, i remember watching an england game to the wee hours of the morn then i missed some community service, but thats all. that year i did 24h of community service, so that couple of hours didnt really matter. anyways, it was an old folk home. i dont like old folk home, not that i dont like the old folks, but i dont like those kids who send their parents there without going to visit. i mean, i totally understand why some elderlies stay in old folk home, i will choose to stay in one next time too, but those stupid kids must remember to visit la! or when we go drinking on friday nights, those who needed to go for GB, RC or paktor will still go on as usual. i remember missing a cheeyong's class, thats all, and thats when i told myself i will never drink the night before class. anyways, my point is, its not the late nights, i think its that attitude. mine, the girls, the captain.

diana sent me a message when i was bowling yesterday. it has become a burden unto my heart.

i watched initial D. for those who like jay chou, will love jay chou, for those neutral towards him, you will think he is pretty cute. i am the latter.

my room's messed again.

(:

2005-09-17T00:57:00.000-07:00

does it happen to everyone?
that we lose that joy in drawing and doodling and shooting?
NO I WONT!
i will draw, doodle and shoot,
after i finish my exams and my essays and my PBL.
after 21 nov.
i will!

(:

2005-09-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

i am not super tired but instinctively i just want to sleep.
today is a super bad day for my knee. the cycling, the bowling and then the stairs. thankfully its only six floors. it was raining and it was late and i dare not walk to the lift la.

anyways, my game improved. its 102 today. hahahaha.
anyways,
the purpose of this post is just to say
THANK YOU MR JOHN!

for sending me home again and again.

catherine got a new ball and shoes. woohoo~
and i owe her money!

(:

2005-09-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

i saw pins yesterday!
i knew pins from the darkroom first, then at the printing shop.
then jingmei, me and him took a cab back to school together cos we wanna save money.
it was good to see a familiar face.
pins' really nice.
actually his name is pinhwee.
hahaa.
he always laugh at me for being younger.
when i was running, you were still swimming.
hes one year my junior in school. hahha.

i am not going to the idn thing already.
first, they dont have james jarvis,
second, i dont have the money.

lalal.

i am supposed to go cycling today.
but i woke up so late.
sigh!

lets see what i can do..

pai yue bing later!

(:

2005-09-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

y'know that issue that was bothering me yesterday. i talked to catherine about it. she seems like the most legitimate person to talk it over with. the other would be you la. but i must calm down and think and pray. well, maybe our focus was wrong, maybe the disappointment by man made me really down.

dear God, i am only human. and when i get discouraged by things around me, i pray that God you will convict me once again. put in me the vision you have for me. let me see what you want me to see.

Amen.

my God is an awesome God.

brother junhao sms me. yes. i will press on with the grace of the Lord.

(:

2005-09-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

today i was very angry. then i started to think of upsettig stuff. then the more upset i was, the more certain i was. but i will allow the Lord to convict me. for all the time, even when man says cant, but God wants it to happen, it will still happen. i drew up a lists. it has 4 whys. 6 pros and 1 con.

haiyas.

):

anyways, i saw jane on teevee today!

(:

2005-09-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

i didnt go for coffee today because i borrowed a lot of books from the library. tomorrow i will go la. i think so.

i must try to finish all of my new economy essay today, 'cept the conclusion cos i cant conclude. blah.

i am trying to figure out whats stuck at the back of my tooth today. it tastes like garlic.

i went for a short jog today. quite shiok ah. tomorrow will be longer i hope, cos more time mah.

y'know, jf pap i havent buy your birthday present cos i got no time to go shopping. i know i surely cant afford to buy you the jig saw puzzle present, maybe i will buy you many many coffee the next time i see you with mel/andy sir/mate.

i saw joy today in school.

I DONT WANT TO GO TOMORROW. WHY DO I LET YOU TALK ME INTO IT.
SHIRLEY SEAH! LEARN TO SAY NO!!!!!!

i hate myself for that.
oh well.

might as well go down to church earlier and see if william wants to have lunch with me! i havent treated him and jo yet. about time la.

qi won something in the crowbar. woohoo! haha. i contributed to that victory okay!! hahaha. i picked up her project to give it to mr james. hahahaa. just kidding. congrats man!!

i am an idiot la.

i destinated wednesday to be drawing day. but i think i cant.

hmm. baby thad.

cutie.

hehee.

(:

all in the cell must have photo of him izzit?

cos i have plenty.

cutie baby!

(:

we had test for mrs glenda's class. so kanchiong. like kanchiong spider like that.

kanchiong spider. haha. so funny!

not enough paper ah...

hahaa.

i've been practicing changing the chords because i am super slow. not sure if it helps.

i give myself 6months. if nothing comes out of it, i will give up. no use hording the guitar. william can pass it to someone who can do better stuff with it.

dr ben!!! will you please reply my email!! i cant conclude.

i wanna sleep. i dont wanna write essay anymore. if only i could wake at 3. maybe 4. shall try. like back to the design school days.

sleep!

(:

1038h.

(:

2005-09-12T05:45:00.000-07:00

I was made to love You!

***

我问自己坚持为了什么?
放弃不是更容易.
可是容易就没有价值了.
忘了你吧.
对我会好一点.
你是谁我都不知道.
突然很想跑.
跑到很远很远.

***

神经病了啦!
哈哈哈!

***

i never understood myself for a long time already.
i feel that i am wearing a mask and living my life as if it was a bed of roses.
i pretend its the petals but maybe its the thorns.
i miss the thorn. haha. thorn.
the resident committee people came by to sell mid autumn festival tickets.
we used to go as kids.
cos we knew the other kids.
(:

i still cant strum on the guitar.
but i can play more than three chords already.

you think i can wake up at 8 to go running and be home by nine ready to go to school? its term break but mrs glenda wants us to be in school. for a test!

i went to the library with a new friend today. and we went for subway. i walked home from city hall. birkenstocks are not meant for running.

a cute little kid said goodbye to me at the library. just waiting for little thad to grow up!

have you questioned God's faithfulness before? i always do - why does He remain faithful when we are not? it makes me feel secure.

..

(:

i played the stupid (stupid cos i am even more stupid to not stop myself from playing) till i got a cramp in my arm. lala. i promise i wont play it anymore.

i feel a little richer today than yesterday. will buy anyone a coffee. if you find me sitting in a starbuck either at marine parade or holland v, i will buy you a coffee. (hahaha. thankfully my blog is not so popular) limited to the first person only.

i feel like drinking coffee - mocha. cos mocha is more chocolate than coffee, so it doesnt make me feel sick.

(:

2005-09-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

heys guys!
my poly really good friend - Jingmei is down with shingles.
will you please pray for her.
and cos its contagious, keep her family in prayer too.
that she will recover well really fast!

priscilla, boss, alex, susan are coming back from i dont know where tomorrow.
pray for journey mercy!

(:

***

i saw kristen's blog. she caught soooooooooooooooooooooo many stars. haha. so i went to play it again. hahaha. i only got about 20000+ points NOT STARS!!!

hahaha.

so hopelessly hooked on it. shouldnt have started it in the first place. hahaha.

***

i like takuya kimura and i missed the first episode of pride cos of the ADL meeting. haha. anyone got the VCD? i wanna borrow. i used to be able to borrow from ricky but now that nu ren is in ns. sighs..

tom cruise looks good in the show- born on the fourth of july. what happened over the years? nicole kidman aged really gracefully what. sighs! hahaa.

***

i was in the library today. then i was just readin and drawing. i wanna be really rich so then i can do that every day. read and draw and do the stuff i like. haha.

i drank coffee in the morning. i felt so sick after that. but 3 1/2h in the library later, i think my head felt more sick. hahaha.

***

jingmei and i talking about ah gong and ah mas. i miss my grandparents again. i must go see them!!! tomorrow! will jog down there la. dont care la!

(:

***

and in case i forget!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUTIE LITTLE PIGS-CAN-FLY LI EN!!

(:

2005-09-10T03:43:00.000-07:00

i wanna go to william&jo's house. they are cooking over there. i dont know who but i wanna go. but i wanna stay home too! and have dinner with mummy!! so here i am, at home. i feel thankful for this decision i've made.

i cant find the observatory poster that i've saved. i think its gorgeous. but i cant find it. boohoohoo. i love that style of drawing. i am going to learn.

the lady at the library was really helpful. the ladies i mean. i think being a librarian is tough. its not just a matter of being able to key in the name of the book into the computer and finding it for the person, but i think a wide knowledge of stuff and books is needed to help the "not so bright" kinda people, ie. me to find neccessary stuff. i've met several good librarian as a child, so if you wanna be a librarian, please be kind!

i walked home from bugis. cos i cant jog so i walked. hahaa. it rained before that so it was nice and cool till it became humid.

i must remember to return kim's cd tomorrow. and eleven dollars to catherine and twentyone dollars to minny. thank you people for lending me money.

i am not going to the idn conference le. i got no money. and i am not going to buy the adidas jacket le. i got no money. i will only buy a new pair of birkies at the end of the year. cos i got no money. but i will save my money to get my DSLR. haha.

i will try to make sure that people dont make me do things by making me feel bad about it when i dont have to do it. i give in because i feel bad. but its not fair to me.

(:

2005-09-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

woohoo.
cycled for two&half hours.
my arms are red now.
like my shirt.
whatever is not edifying i would not say.
i think the bicycle shop aunty is nice!
THANK YOU AUNTY! though she will never see it!
my left knee is coming apart.
i could feel the pain man!
no jogging for the time being.
i will walk instead la.
i bowled the second time in my life today.
the last being a 14 year old.
at the fd/evic99 chalet.
i miss those times a bit actually.
how we dirtied mz sir and all that stuff.
today i got a strike. had a few spares.
i think i like bowling.
haha.

(:

happy birthday alison!
(:

2005-09-08T05:26:00.000-07:00

after meeting qiqi yesterday, we realised why we are growing fat. we got nice people around us, around me is people like yanhui and sooling who feeds me with peanut butter m&ms and kitkat. hahaha. there are nice people in school really. and i give thanks to God for them!

and today while i was spending my break alone, not that i am antisocial but i needed to do research, in the library, there came a cute guy who sat opposite me. alas, my dear friends yanhui and sooling must come by. sigh. hahahhaa. he is just cute la. and i dont know him. hahaha. this is just to prove to ms tang that my sexual orientation is straight. haha.

so cheap thrill for the last bit of break.
the couple of hours in the library i spent taking naps and going to the loo. i went to the loo at least four times in that few hours. the moment i opened the book i felt tired. haha.

i will miss dr rahil. i want to remember to send her a gift for christmas. today is dr rahil's last class with us for this semester. i am going to miss her cynism and entertainment!! hahaha. shes real funny!! but i am really looking forward to dr wang! he lived through cultural revolution and he is gonna teach us about mao and all. woohoooo!! i wanna study history all my life man! except for the death and war stuff. today in dr rahil's last class with us, we were doing tutorial but we didnt have to prepare cos she forgot. i was like super nervous in her class. bawahahahaa. i was like so nervous that each time i wanted to answer a question i had to take a deep breath and before i could answer, jonie would have given an answer. and another deep breath later i said - reconcile the defeat of war with the US audience, to which she said good. hahaha.

anyways, can you ever - love the soldiers, hate the war? this was the US message after the 1991 gulf war. a little of me wanna believe that but part of me think that the deeds are committed by the soldiers. boohoohoo, i dont like war. watching platoon made me feel very disturbed. what are we really fighting for? i am gonna watch apocalypse now soon.. hahaa. tonight i will watch saving private ryan. i hope i can get deer hunter soon.

i got a wednesday kfc pal. after dr ben and mrs glenda's class, we will head for jurong point and have shrooms meal. shes a nice gal. anyways. that day in dr agnes' class, yvette and reena were staring at my arm and said - wah - so nice, you got hairless arms. hahaha.

anyways, that day john sent me and yanleen after we had adult leader meeting, i had something not so pleasant to say and john was like - if its not edifying, dont say it. i think i must bear that in mind because i really dont like dr agnes chang. and i think she doesnt quite like me anymore. i dont care actually but actually i do care because its PBL and essay writing. if she doesnt like me she can fail me, y'know. sigh. but if its not edifying, i wont say anymore!

my highest star count is five hundred plus. i am addicted to the game!! hahaa.

anyways, Remember Me This Way is the casper theme song. hahahahaha.

(:

2005-09-07T07:06:00.000-07:00

i finally got more than 300 stars. i told myself if i can catch more than 300 stars, i will stop playing the game. its really cheap thrill la.

tired.

anyway, some things that you shouldnt allow me to eat if you are with me..
bread
almond
hzaelnut
peanut
all sorts of nuts
beef
chocolate
..until i extract my wisdom tooth.

i need to exercise. i am growing fat!!

(:

2005-09-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

My Saviour’s Love

I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene
And wonder how he could love me
A sinner condemned unclean

How marvellous
How wonderful
And my song shall ever be
How marvellous
How wonderfulIs my Saviour’s love for me

For me it was in the garden
He prayed not for my will but thine
He had no tears for his own griefs
But sweat drops of blood for mine

How marvellous
How wonderful
And my song shall ever be
How marvellous
How wonderful
Is my Saviour’s love for me

When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see
It will be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me

How marvellous
How wonderful
And my song shall ever be
How marvellous
How wonderful
Is my Saviour’s love for me

i got this from andrew's blog. aint it such a beautiful hymn? i thank God that when we praise Him with songs and hymns, we dont have to come with perfect voices, but just hearts of adoration and exaltation! thanks andrew for sharing the hymn!

its my mama's birthday tomorrow! planning a little surprise. heehee.
my mom apologized for heating yesterday's dinner and making a very simple soup for dinner, but to tell the truth, I LOVE THE DINNER! for the last two weeks, i went to jo's house to cook for her right, and the last couple of days, i've cooking dinner for mum, i like it when we cook and eat at home.. its so much more comfortable and happy.

my aunt called. its so nice to hear her voice!! i like her lots. she is married in malaysia, in a beautiful church years ago. and that was the last time i wore a dress, i think its a beautiful dress, i still have it! i miss her kids, i cant believe that faith is eight years old already!

anyway..

(:

2005-09-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

we got sad, then agitated, then angry, then disappointed then sad all over again.

):

i like john's mercedes. i love the car, after william's xiaohuang.

(:

seeing thady today was great. and hannah. and vanessa. and ansel and andre and ariel.

(:

westwood GB girls are really friendly i feel. boys need to work on interpersonal skills.

(:

i knew they would sing really loudly for Still.

(:

dinner was great! to a large extent.

(:

happy birthday rongchang!

(:

i am going to learn how to play the guitar at yamaha. going with reen tomorrow.

(:

i dont like disagreement. i dont like compromising. i like terence.

:

i think i am gutter ball queen.

(:

i wanna sell muesli bar. to think i got the spelling wrong. haha.

(:

i love Jesus!

(:

2005-09-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

i felt really sad when i read josh's email. as with reen's one back then.
i thought we were really close. but i dont know what we gotta do. i hate this feeling.
why is that i thought we were all mature adults but this had to happen.
it makes me cry because thats not the way it should be.
we all change and i agree.
i dont like talking much now.
i feel that if i have to talk to be understood, then thats not the point.
then all you normal people will say - if you dont say, how i know?
thats the point, if i dont wanna say, i dont wanna you to know.
then why must you be probing and acting smartypants?
and then we are all happy and such.
its not like that now.
i dont know how to say, but i feel that i understand josh in that strange way.
maybe cos we are strange.
like how i am just trying so desperately to avoid someone.
but i dont want confrontation.
and i dont wanna think about it.
and i dont wanna upset anyone.
i just want you to disappear.
but i think he is very brave.
though i dont like the email, but at least he got more courage than me.
DISAPPEAR!
i dont like talking, silly talk is fine.
i dont like journalling, scribbling is fine.
i realised that i like buying nice notebooks for people to journal in.
i always think that perhaps that friend has something to say.
maybe not. maybe i have been wrong all these while.
maybe they got nothing to say at all.
today i was just staring into space and i wanted to say something.
then william was there, so i said -

i dont want to draw closer to God.
i want to be in Him.

he said something about receiving the love of God.
(:

BLUFF.HAHA.I SAID I WONT POST SERIOUS STUFF!

i think december is gonna be a buseeeeeeeeee month.
starting from nov i think.
exams. then GB camp. then the trip. then maybe a short hols to my favourite destination at the moment - melaka. then Christmas. then school starts again! i dont wanna have time to breathe in december! hahaa. let God sustain me.
jer quitted his job and is in tibet now. aint it cool?
peggy bluffed us in year2. she said she will take us to ~~tibet~~ nepal if we were good. spent the nights in the streets till the last night where we will check into some 5star hotel. bluff la. children dont believe your lecturers. haha. just kidding. i once had a -donate to shirley's tibet fund- it was hilarious, i swopped the container that my mom put her loose changes, so she had been contributing to my fund. haha. didnt have enough, just a couple of hundred i think.
theres this talk about bible and science. i wanna go.
and also this tentmaking course. i am not so sure if its too early to go for one..
it says - all professions, esp teachers. or sth like that.
i really wanna learn the guitar. but i got no teacher.
no william.
no timothy.
no cheewee.
okay. i didnt ask tim and zhiwei la.
i want a teacher!
preferably Christian.
i can pay you. but i am stupid in music.
i will doreen. but she has these really beautiful painted nails. hmm. and i feel quite bad cos i didnt manage to finish learning the piano. bleh.

2005-09-03T06:13:00.000-07:00

my mum's birthday is on tuesday. i never have to worry about forgetting. she will always remind me. haha. we are going out for dinner on monday if my brother can make it. i wonder what would she like. we went to swensen for mine, rice table for my brother.

i cant find the notes to reprint. argh!

bible quiz was a waste of time. blah.
i dont like joels. most of them at least.

dont give my number to anyone.
i get mightily offended.
unless it's life and death.
unless i owe you something.
unless you are kinda cute like laura jie on the other line.
at least not to a stranger.

my foot hurts.
blah.

i cant find the notes to reprint!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-02T17:36:00.000-07:00

i got a craving for nydc, but i got no money. i will wait another nine days for my pay. i spent a lot of my last pay last month - almost $700. sigh. i am a big spendthrift. sighs.

i just redefined my drawing space in my room - simply put, i just packed my room and cleaned the floor and now theres space to draw. haha.

i went down for a walk/jog. i am such a big lump of fats. sighs. it saddens me to think like that. boo!

(:

2005-09-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

i miss my mates - evelyn and engkee.

strange but i cant associate da jie with red cross anymore.
shes always the one thats eating with me though.

haha.

(:

2005-09-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

i bitched a lot in the last post. actually i wasnt angry anymore.
i reflected upon it. it was a struggle that morning actually.
but i remembered the lessons learnt in cell,
the many times when william said that love is vulnerable.
but we gotta love one another, for love means so much.
for God is love.
for love covers a multitude of sins.
for love is patient and kind.
i pray that God put in me agape.
that kind of love that covers all things.

***

i got stomachache
i need to sleep

(:

2005-08-31T06:55:00.000-07:00

this is gonna be one of my ugliest posts yet.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
can you imagine how assholic some people can be?
there are four of us in this particular project group.
two of us are supposed to do modern education.
two of them are supposed to do premodern education.
and we (four of us) are supposed to work on the analysis together.
sounds reasonable?
definitely.
if everyone does the job, its win-win.
and so we all heard about how one of those who is supposed to do modern education wrote one sentence. i felt very bad about posting that post. so i went to see how she could redeem herself in my sight, i went to check the stuff she sent again. YES! whether it was one time or ten times i looked at that file, it was still one sentence. never mind right? contribute to the analysis and you could redeem yourself.

but.. no ah.

so two of them are supposed to do premodern education. yes. good. well done. because its done. i summarised it. one of them is not happy that i cut too much of it because of its irrelevance to our project and she put it all back into the slides. how nice. its okay. i mean, you want the exposure time then fine loh. no analysis whatsoever!

and then theres the other one - yay! other than the fact that we are both not very articulate people with each other, we work great. she did her part, i did mine, we met up, she did part of the analysis, i added on and backed it up with facts and rephrased it nicely. see, the two of us could do the project PERFECTLY.

but we cant not give credit to the one doing premodern education. she did the powerpoint. okay. being the idiot that i am with powerpoint, even though i did like it, i didnt change it.

the other one who did modern education worked with the good one after school one day and assigned me to present all the less significant part. because i was seemingless better in that part than any other. what irony. i did that entire bit of our part! i took it quite badly. really badly in fact.

and then that morning of presentation. blah blah blah. i realised that the other two didnt do a single bit of analysis! AAAAHHHHHHH! why must this happen to me? and then they took the significant parts right and thats where i put some intelligent questions there. ahh, quite surprisingly, i can come up with good questions. seriously, i read a lot of current affairs stuff. they didnt do anything about it, they simply asked it and treated it like their own. like excusez moi, what did you contribute to the project?

they said they were going to do online discussion. hur hur hur. like real. they are just trying to shirk responsibility and look as if they are not. i need to cuss ~!#$%^&*@ forgive the expletives. these people should go for the visual arts interview. they are so good at drama.

*this explains why i was so upset on tuesday morning. it has nothing to do with my brother being admitted. i cried on the mrt. and trust me, dont start crying on the mrt when you dont have tissue. it was a bad tuesday. but there was something really funny. i heard it and could have corrected her. but as ian said, shirley dont try to argue with the english people, its most likely they will out-argue you. i agree with that completely la. you know my ang moh not very powderful, i scared i say too much ah. so in case i was wrong, perhaps not, cos i pay attention in lectures. haha. you know - socrates? the teacher of pluto, oops, was that how she pronounced? plato, my fault. oh. socrates. i cant type phonetics, or rather its too troublesome. its not pronounced as it is spelled. so its not so-crates. its saw-cra-tees. something like that. alright! dont embarass yourself, at nineteen, if you cant pronounce something, ask first la. or use the dictionary, got phonetics. okay. so thats one part of the highlight. it was quite funny but i was kind, i didnt laugh out loud.

okay. after that i went out for tea with reena (new friend, shout hurray!) and told her about the number of steps in school. now, half the history class knows i count steps. well done shirley.

met catherine after that. indulged in buying something for thad. and mummy. we cooked for jo and this time round, i spent more time talking to her compared to friday when i went.

i hate history. not the subject history but rather many of the things that happened in history. can you imagine just how brutal people were in the wars.
history class with dr rahil convicted me to go to vietnam. pray k.
vietnam. whooaa~

thanks yous for all the prayers and well wishes, after three days at SGH, my brudder got discharged. really really appreciated all that - from
aunty k
jojo
william
huimin
steph
aunty jen
moses
meiying
cat
shuling
and my cell and the ye people and people who prayed!

for praying! my brother says thank you!

(:

2005-08-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

we only want to hear what we wanna be. obnoxious arent we?
haha.

i redeemed myself at communication skills today i feel. i read the thingy and the lecturer said - good.

i think i did really badly in the presentation today. at least its over. i can kiss my GPA4 which qualifies for a second class upper honours away today. i hate group presentation! its fifty percent and the other half is a paper due in three weeks.

i am very t.i.r.e.d.

2005-08-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

my brudder got dengue fever. its raging in the neighbourhoood.
i dont like group projects.

i miss shine. and faith.

(:

2005-08-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

exasperated!

which part of me says i am an idiot. i am not very bright, i admit. we are supposed to do a 45 minute presentation on education - premodern and modern. 10 min on premodern, the other 10 on modern. 10 minutes means a lot of content. DAMN much content la. and modern education is brought about by many things - religious reformation, the age of enlightment, the new economy. and this is what she sent to me.

Religious Reformation
Martin Luther—encouraged family, state, church and school should all play a part in children’s education. Set up vernacular schools that teach reading, writing, arcmatics and religion.

you think too highly of her. thats all she sent. i hope theres peer grading. because she talked the most, worked the slower, cos i am slowest, refused to respect other's opinion.

i am OFFENDED BY SUCH GROUP MATE!

tell me why i hate group project. back in design school, the most irresposible had at least more than one sentence of substance.

IRRITATING!

2005-08-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

remember i said i like messaging aicheng cos she always replies with a beloved of God.
i like emailing priscilla, cos she will always reply with a dear shirley.

i woke up super late.
went to get my hair cut.
wanted to have lunch with my mum.
i didnt make an appointment so she cant.
took a bus and mrt to sembawang to visit josephine.
she had a friend over to help her care for thad thad while she rested.

then meiying and john came along. which is like really cool cos they brought this whole load of groceries and then we started cooking. she started cooking. i was the assistant. haha. i cut carrot and mushrooms and cabbage. and i helped fold thady's clothes. jo said that i could be a good nanny now that i can fold the nappies. i think baby thad 有妈妈的心. cos when jo was resting and he starts making his little noise, i will just pet him and tell him that mummy needs to rest so he has to be a good boy and sleep quietly. then he will close his eyes and try to sleep. hes so cute. i just kept thinking of my mom cos i guess thats how my mum cared for me too!

then i went to ben's concert! thought it was not bad. i enjoyed myself just that at some point, i thought it was a solo concert sorta thing. superstar on stage. had fun there, just sitting and listening though if you read my blog enough you know i am incredibly talentless for music. i cant really hear individual playing cos it was an ensemble. at least in a band you could tell the diff between instruments. but even if you can, no need to tell me cos i cant. i think ben is a really nice and humble fella! (:

had fun with the rest who went too. they made so much noise. i told them to tell nat to message me when he reached home cos nat is so small, age. and it was rather late. he called me instead, so 搞笑. he was like - hello shirley, i am nat. you call me to call you. i had to explain that i only wanted to make sure hes home. he got his phone confiscated. haha.

i am tired.

(:

2005-08-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

whoa! dinner yesterday was really good. the fellowship was good, the food was good (cant say the same for jo and william cos they were fussing over baby the whole time!), we had fun, good pictures were taken (my fave is the one that i took of jo when she was looking so lovingly at the child - then i asked william - you see your wife like this do you think she is the most beautiful, he had to say Yes!). the scarifices of parenthood. william said grace for the meal, and we all prayed for john as the gathering was a celebration of his birthday (then again, as if we dont meet enough like that). we were super noisy, then i told rong chang its cos we find a lot of joy meeting up. to which he replied - then the other table no joy ah.. meiying kept reminding me in the car today not to fuss over baby too much because its john thats the focus yesterday. but john didnt seem to mind one bit. he was fussing over baby more than any of us! he was sitting beside baby.

we did something wrong yesterday night. i feel really bad about it. and i dont wish to talk about it. sighs.

we met ray and his girlfriend after dinner yesterday. haha. surprisingly i remembered who he is!

anyways, we so couldnt bear to let william and jo leave after dinner yesterday and then we were all playing in the car park. making soooo much noise. we were pretending that william and famlily were like superstars and the rest of us - fans and there were some security people saying - no photos please, please stand back. haha. the youngest there was barely two months old, the next one in line is twenty years old, and the oldest, thirty plus. all of us were involved. the people yesterday - john, william, josephine, thaddaeus, shirley, shuling, catherine, rongchang, meiying, junhao couldnt be there cos he has chicken pox and there was a baby, zicong, was it all? cant remember.

i am gonna meet my mama for a while before heading down to visit jojo and then for ben's concert!

oh. and steph, i dont like tying my hair cos it gives me a headache, so i gotta cut it!

and oh, please vote for ian's piece of work here -

Singapore Writers Festival 2005 SMS Haiku
My entry is entry 98. There are two ways to vote:
1)Go here and vote for entry 98
2) SMS this to 96342458, using your full name as printed on IC:SWF <> <> VOTE 98(Example: SWF S1234567A ChungWeiqiangIan VOTE 98)

2005-08-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

grandma likes me hair short like a little boy. daddy likes it short too. me like it short too. but apparently i think mummy think otherwise. and my brother. hahaa. cutting it on friday, cant wait for friday to come.

i think i made huimin like really angry. about the friday BS, which changed to thursday then i cant make it on thursday. sighs. and sorry rach, about asking you to help me arrange with martin to take my place. cos its kinda late and i think martin lost the phone. so sorry for casusing so much inconvenience to ya'll.

i delibrately ignore someone online. namely - schoolmate. too bad. i tried to tell you what i was going to research on but you insisted on your ways. i did my readings before meeting up!

blah!

2005-08-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

i want to cut my hair. cut it real short, the way you like it. anyways, i a getting headaches and neckaches from tying my hair. but i will miss tying my hair and playing with my hair.

watched C&CF. feel so betrayed by tim burton. and i dont like johnny depp. hes like the weakest link in the movie. i like freddie highmore. hes so cute. in the peter pan story with kate winslet and the five child and it. hes so cute.

i dont like group projects!
i dont like group projects!
i dont like group projects!
i dont like group projects!
i dont like group projects!

though i thought my space has decreased a little today.

(:

2005-08-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

i have a date on saturday. with my dearest peiqi. the last time i met her we didnt get to talk that much. it was with jun and her friend and kaijun. so i hope this time we could spend time talking and crapping and encouraging each other. i think shes tough man! living on her own in singapore. my mum has issues with me staying in hall, i think she would go berserk if i have to live in another city/country. so every day now, i tell her the possibility of me living away from her. i like my poly friends, i didnt have that antiscocial thing going on back then. i didnt need that much space. sometimes on the bus will suffice. i talk to almost everyone back then. sure there are people who arent very close, but there are also dependant and kind and really sweet people back there. i like my poly days more than secondary school days. haha. its more fun, i feel grown up yet not too old. theres always people older!! haha. jk. there are people like alison, vion, qi, jun, jingmei, etc. i miss chill out sessions in the canteen, not too cool, but good enough. theres always even older people like weiliang who would give good advice.

not satisfied with me having a date on saturday, catherine and i are meeting tomorrow for charlie and the chocolate factory. finally i am watching that! yea! she asked her friends and all that. so strange, shes trying to play matchmaker. haha. shes so funny. i expect myself to enjoy lots tomorrow. now now.. what should i wear? hahaha.

qi asked me if i am enjoyin school. okay la. its getting better now i feel. i feel my space has gonna smaller and still i am comfortable. lena is enjoying herself drawing nudes. haha. she didnt say she enjoyed it but she looks as if she is. haha. i think i wont. am glad i didnt enrol in that course. i mean theres nothing bad about nudes but i think i am just not comfortable with someone else's bare body. oh well. i dont have to draw anymore for anyone to critique anyway. haha. hope when shes not drawing nudes, she will be free to meet me for lunch.

do you have instances where sometimes you hope something would happen but at the back of your head you know it wouldnt happen not that its bad but it just wouldnt but you still secretly wished that it would. haha.

doing research now.. (:

2005-08-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

so ian, do you kinda resent that your parents switched churches? haha.

i bought a new sketchbook. i want to begin a new chapter of my life.
then you say - new chapter started already when university started aint it?
noo! no one said that you have to base your life on the academic year. haha.

i will put my georgjensen cutlery on hold first. meanwhile i will continue using disposables in school. mahahahaha.

sleep.

(:

2005-08-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

actually i dont quite want to blog here anymore because there are some people i dont like to be reading my blog and then questioning what i do or say or hold anything against me because of my blog. i live a life. blog is not my life. i could say that i got married today on my blog but in fact nothing such as this happened. we all hold differing views on many things and its not fair to force your judgement on me based on my medicore writing.

but then again ah.. i got so many bo liao things to say leh. so i have to come back la. hahaha!
so dont take things so seriously here other than the fact that God is really awesome. i wont post my sad meaningless posts anymore. i would post stuff entertaining to me!

okay. lets start:
the thing at st james was something to rave about. an awesome God we praise. the musicians were great, the worship leaders were great, uncle henry was funny was usual, a touching sermon, i needed to reconnect. uncle henry thought it was weird that people button their polo shirts up to the top, i dont do that often, i like it that way on my converse polo. i wanna buy polo polo. third pay la. haha.

someone likes my new scent already. haha. thaddeaus. he was so comfy in my arms, at least thats what i see when he was in my arms. it was just another reminder that God is awesome in my life, holding that little life in my hands, praying that he will grow up to be a man of God. he is so small. so dependant. whoa! God is great!

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great,
how great is our God

i am not going to have lunch with doreen tomorrow. because i must photocopy readings.

no more melbourne at the end of the year. i finally asked - i am going cambodia. if they have the full team. pray that i will prepare spiritually, emotionally, and physically. ok. i am going jogging tomorrow. tofu me needs lotsa training. if theres not cambodian trip this year, then i will go to the beach thingy with huimin! hehehe.

vion! do you want to go shanghai next june with me?! when its not cold. i will die in the cold. i will freeze in the cold. i will not be able to function in the cold. my camera lens will fog in the cold. how about going when its warm? my vacation is 6 May 2006 - 23 Jul 2006.

being a teacher is quite daunting la. i just read the thingy you wrote in the book for me. thank you! not every one needs love. that one is hilarious. but the beatles sing all you need is love, love love, all you need is love. sorry ah. doing john lennon now ah..

i got kissed on the right cheek.. by a irritating mozzie!
little bertram refused to let me carry him. boohoohoo.

sleeep now.

(:

2005-08-19T03:16:00.000-07:00

thank you minny! i will hang in there! love ya plenty!!

The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, 2 it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
Isaiah 35:1,2

uncle william says i can be a rock star! cos i know THREE chords.

thank you aunty k for helping me book the room.

i slacked the whole day. sighs!

heheee (:

(:

2005-08-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

miss little-green-dot-in-the-big-black-square. hahaa. inspires me to do some stuff. i didnt exactly keep to my timetable today. i didnt go shooting because it was dark and rainy. and the lomo dont exactly do well in darkness. i did something that my cell group is proud of me today! i went for breakfast with my new friends. THEY WERE ELATED!

i can abide to rules quite well. never broken much rules except the - cant wear slippers one. haha. anyways, but i enjoy spontaneity too. a call for coffee, for lunch, for a walk. stuff like that i enjoy. because i feel it goes to show how much " " between the friends.

i like your sms-es that says "Beloved of God!" its really sweet. and its very comforting. i smsed aicheng today because i was listening to the song - your beloved today and got reminded how aicheng always sms me and priscilla - Beloved of God. i dont know her for a long time - two months, and we never got round for coffee until my last week, where i gave her a treat for taking such good care of me. she knows me pretty well i feel. encouraging and all. i like priscilla and aicheng lots! hehee (: she sent me an email. its so cute!

passed by the pizza hut today. thought of the last time when i was so silly. that was a bad day and then all the events before/after that was nothing to rave about. drawing Christmas cards, learning to smile, icecream.. haha. its so long ago.

i think i quite like the history people. but sometimes i think they complain too much about lecturers being late. guess sam and mr lim trained us well in this aspect in the design school. be tolerant la, each of us has our own habits. i think we all will learn to appreciate his latecoming maybe?

is there anyone who knows what kinda music the observatory play? they got a cool poster and i wanna go for it. they are not loud right?

i can play the song - THIS IS THE DAY! they sang along with me, it was hilarious. thanks mel, leng, cat! (:

all's well today. seeking the Lord.

(:

2005-08-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

i feel kinda stupid in school. academically challenged. i feel so pathetic saying that. then you wonder, how stupid is your stupid. its stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID.

today dr agnes did stuff on self esteem. how timely. i could identify with the low self esteem part. haha, just kidding la. i think i am pretty much in control of how i feel. a closer walk with God makes things so much better. like junhao shared, his walk with God determines everything else. i feel like that too. i am desperate for You, Lord!

we went for the welcome tea by the humanities and social sciences something something academic group. i think huimin needs to teach me how to show appropriate social behaviour. i just kept quiet there, cos half the time i cant understand dr karl who was drowned out by the geography peeps.

ian won third for his essay. the 100 word one! congrats man!

dimsum dollies was not too bad. but remind me, no staying out on wednesdays, tuesdays and sundays, cos the next days i have eightthirty lectures. woke up at 645. can you imagine all my anxiety. by the grace of God, made it well on time! thank you Lord!

i am not going to stay in the library the whole 6h tomorrow. will spend 2h there doing some research and readings, another 2h doing the RUB thing, and another 2h shooting with my lomo with all the old expired film uncle william gave me. at any time, i feel hot and tired, i will just go back to the library!

i am gonna make myself an egg sandwich for lunch and a ham and cheese for breakfast. hehee. i feel so glad that i have tomorrow somehow planned out.

i stink now. i think. haha.
sent crystal home just now. thought it wasnt safe for a 9yearold to walk home alone at 9pm. after i sent her home, i got so scared of the dark, i started running back to church. only mr john and i turned up for SLIC today. before he came, it was only me and there was three groups of people. arghh! didnt panic though. haha.

i smell. buay tahan. must go bathe.

(:

2005-08-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

my dialect name is SEAHYEWHWEE. its quite nice. it spells really nicely.

***

i think its sorta meaningless. we are all kinda living in this disillusionment. why are we deluding ourselves. its not a mean to the end and definitely not the end. we should just wake up and live. live a life. boo! we are not well right now.

dont let your imagination go wild for the above paragraph.

***

full with dimsum. went for the dollies.
thanks to vion.
(:
three cheers for you!

heys joanna!
heys jiayi!

i am going to sleep now!

(:

2005-08-16T01:55:00.000-07:00

guess where is shirley going later?
shirley is going to watch dim sum dollies!
courtesy of vion!!

hehee!

(:

shirley is a happy kid today!

2005-08-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

ok. this deserves a special mention though i almost fell asleep in history class this morning. its dr rahil's class. she is the cynical, sacarastic, entertaining one and i feel asleep in her class. sigh. as usual, dr blackburn did the worst thing on a monday morning, he showed a video. i forgot what is it about. oh oh.. its about psycho-analysis. hahaa. no idea what is it.

i met someone on the train today after school. wah. it made me glad cos its a familiar face. hahaa. i would think that he is one of my best bitching partner back then who dont spare a thought for anyone we bitched about, be it moses, mr seet. hahaa. so you could tell it was really nice to meet THE EVIL ONE!
hahaa. it was great to see justin.
he is one of those i think about when i dread going to school in the morning, together with djulian. cos they travelled from boonlay to tampines for the last three years. so on the train, as usual, we bitched about mr seet la.

i went shopping with reen today. hehee. not that i need retail therapy, but i needed a scent. haha. after they (dajie, ek, eeling, shannen, cyn) laughed at me for the unfitting moonflower scent, i have decided to get a more shirley thing. i got davidoff coolwater for woman. actually i told doreen i wanna smell a little more grown up, so people will stop thinking i am 16 when i am happily (not really) in university.

i cant find a hand mirror for tomorrow's class. i wonder if shes okay with my ipod, it has a reflective side, or perhaps i can bring a CD. oh where is my mirror, i bought it for fashion imaging the last time. then jingmei scolded me for wasting money buying a silly mirror.

i think i am super bo-liao. am i entertaining even in a very vague sense? no right. haha.

cant finish a lot of work. i need to start doing my readings. history/history/educational psychology/comm skills/blah

i saw some jc student photocopying some notes that werent given to us. am i plain lazy or is he just super hardworking. these people stress me!!

20th is some concert at st james. i think they worked hard. but if i wanna work hard, i probably cant go. pray that i can finish my work, so i can go.

(:

2005-08-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

1508

baby's first appearance in church.
such a cutie baby.
awwww.

they got baptised today.
sharing in their joy. praying that they will share my joy next year.
(:
from ye: shaunald, jiansheng, yanleen.
from cell: leng, john, junhao, ying.
i think most from my cell have went through a struggle.
praying that they will run this race with much faith in the Lord!

we went for dinner.
john, ying, junhao, chang, reen, zhicong, uncle ben, kim, steph, max, me, zhiwei, william, jo, baby.
so many of us. we had a good time together.

i asked uncle ben whether he wanted to share in the gift for the baptism people. he agreed and asked, can he sign off as kongbeng, sharon & family. i think it would be what aunty sharon would want to see as well. she ministered to this group of young adults.
(:

we went to chang and doreen's new house today.
i wanna get married and have a new house too. hahaa.
i am kidding about the get married part. hahaa.
we just needed a guitar cos there's no furniture and we went all sitting around.
i hope we can gather there lots next time.

we went to mac at westmall.
theres a disgusting couple.
not disgusting in that sense, but they were doing what ought to be done in private in public.
we were all disgusted.

mr john sent me home.
really thankful, as usual.
they thought i was crying on the phone yesterday.
thats why they called one after another.
no wonder i love them soo much!

(:

2005-08-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

1128
why are you online now??
boo!

hahaa.
i spent the afternoon sleeping. i got a couple of things to do.
i got a couple of readings to do too.
i got a question to ask.

spent alot of money cos it was payday yesterday.
i never saw that much money in my bank account after primary six.
i exaggerated. much. haha.

when i dont finish one thing i cant start the other.
but i dont wanna finish this one thing that i started on.

we had fun today.
i am supposed to type a letter today.
but i am not so sure what to write.
typitty, typitty type.

hahaa.
i am really happy when you talk to me.
and sometimes i feel really sad when you dont talk to me.
like why is it that i cant really help you.

anyways, something lame to share.
I FINALLY HAD A GOOD DREAM AFTER ALL THE BAD ONES.
its sucha nice warm fuzzy one.
aww, i didnt want to wake up.
i slept in for an extra two hours.
but i dont quite understand why is that person in the dream too.
hahaa.. all my dreams have cars in them.
really awesome cars,
this one had a car that is a really cool two seater, but within a split second, it can be transformed to a spacious four seater. haha. lame right.

issac called when i was talking to doreen.
so another triumphant victory for me.
john called today too.
doreen called after him.
then junhao messaged me.
heys peeps! i am fine. thought i should stay home today and finish all the work.
alas, i didnt do much, but i will stay up and finish them.
at least i packed my notes, and wrapped my book.
thank you for being so kind to me!

i tried to play on the guitar today and it sounded so weird.
appealing for a guitar teacher. i am a stupid student.
lets be frank. i got no musical sense at all.
when i tried to learn how to play the piano,
i memorised where and when to hit the ivory keys.
but shuling said that whatever she learn, she will teach me.
the father's not too free to teach me.
and i have invited myself to their house when i have long breaks.
hope i wont disturb aunty jojo.
i wil ask her tomorrow if i can go!
hahaa (:
i could watch baby while she showers or rest.
baby thaddaeus john!

i am going to shower then do work.
pray that i will have discipline to do much work!

shirley wants to be happy!
and not grow up to be like tim (as ian said) - old and grumpy.
not that tim is old and grumpy! it was a joke cos everyone's tired at eleven but he still insisted on sending me and ian home, not forgetting min. so its not a bad idea to grow up to be like tim, at least he is kind, can drive, can play the guitar. hahaa.
minny! are you better now? you were coughing so badly yesterday at dinner.
maybe icecream with brownie is not that good for a person with cough.
hmm.mm.m.

haha.

(:

2005-08-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

i think the reason why i cannot cope is because i dont want to except for the writing essay part. i am totally not critical at all. and i got no idea what my classmates are talking about in history class about the essay. i think i have written good essays before in tp. i got my As and my distinctions, i got my work published, i got commended before, so i think i still smelly smelly can write quite well, if not okay. i am feeling a bout of insecurity and low self esteem. so when you see me, please smile at me to assure me that i am human.

i am starting to hate the things i do to people sometimes. as much as i dont threaten and extort money from them, i havent been very kind.

attempted to wake up at six this morning, it was a failed attempt. got up at nine plus, lazed around, started the rub stuff at twelve. got the layout, need to fit stuff in and then its okay. i hope it can be finished by monday.

i just realised that i didnt do a very good job brushing my teeth. food really get stuck at the back where the wisdom tooth is.

i met a lot of people at holland v. but i didnt see jesse. i always see him there when i am there but i didnt see him today. hahaa. holland v is very crowded. i think i will hate it when the mrt is ready. sigh. oh ya. saw a lot of people. i saw joshua. thought he was going to join us at nydc, it turned out that he is meeting his friends at walawala. he was so funny when he exclaimed that the whole world is in holland v. hahaa. saw some sjc peeps too. didnt notice it was them at first, but was looking in that direction because of the all-too-familiar st margs uniform, then i saw a tall head sticking out, then i realised that it was familiar faces. familiar things/people/feelings make me glad, doesnt it do the same for everyone? i see most people i think i might see in holland v, but i never see derek. maybe he went back to the philippines. i dont see his works in the papers anymore. lalalaa. the old man!

i got the guitar from william le. and knowing me, i string the guitar wrongly and had william shaking his head at me the whole time.

why is it that...
people you dont like will always call you, people like issac. i am thankful that he called at awkward times that i cant pick up. once during service, the other, a morning. i dont pick up calls until after 10 in the morning. i am changing my mobile phone number. if you feel you want to know, you can always ask me. but please DO NOT give out my phone number to anyone. i guess this is a good time to do that, after giving out many namecards, i think i should change my number.

i dont have cravings at all for the mushroom madness thing anymore. its not nice when its cold.

i am tired.
shirley :(:

2005-08-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

i did sucha embarassing job of spelling the name of the large japanese bookchain in singapore. thank you angelene for enlightening me.

been reading a lot of history about america lately. we are doing myths in history class. looking at george bush and the entire country in somewhat of a different light now. one's "glorious" history is always created at the expense of someone else. but i cant deny that such history brought about changes that we have rejoiced about, again at the expense of someone else. its so sad. it is like a win-lose situation.

i am really looking forward to the vietnam war's lectures. and dr wang's cultural revolution stuff. i want to do many many stuff but because i cannot finish that RUB thing, i dont wanna start anything. its irritating me!

mel says i have ocd during cell.
i am not coping well in school. strange things have happened to me and i think i need help. i feel that counting the steps of stairs is therapeutic. it makes me feel calm when i do that. thats just one of the many things.

eeks. i am irritated at me.

.

2005-08-09T06:59:00.000-07:00

upebznzgbuifsdbnfgpnf.

blahblahblah.

if you understand what that means.

(:

happy national day, while it last!
i've got school tomorrow.
wednesday's the mad bus day.

i got introduction to education and history tomorrow.
i got a long break tomorrow.
i gotta do rub tomorrow during break.
i am going to konikoniya tomorrow however you spell it.
i am going to watch teevee.

2005-08-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

i have a massive headache. remind me never to stay out in the sun for more than two hours. had a great afternoon with huimin and her two lovely friends at east coast park. i cycled while min bladed. its like really fun. i am so motivated to go cycle on a regular basis. i was thinking friday mornings when i have no classes and could go for two hours.
monday - nothing as of now.
tuesday - soon to be dance class.
wednesday - slic.
thursday - cell.
friday - cycling:morning.
looks good yet not too good. because i would only have three days at home for dinner. home for dinner is important for my family.

met denise for dinner. i had mine super early cos i was starving after cycling. i am a pig man!
haha. (:

read the enewsletter from bss. God really spoke through there.

(:

2005-08-06T07:34:00.000-07:00

my friend ian wrote a piece for the singapore writers fest. being someone who cant write, much less write a hundred word entry (i think 1500 is easier than 100), i have decided to support him in his campaign. so if you feel you like what you read, please go to http://www.singaporewritersfest.com.sg/competition-100word-vote.php?p=11 and vote for him. his entry goes like this:

The true test of love is its passage from the Golden Age of consuming passion to the Silver Age of tarnishing familiarity. This thought presents itself, as her lips press insistently on his for the third time today. Not that he minds. They are consummate artists, at work and play.She is the new girl now, shedding her former guise as his classmate. He wonders how long they can last, having seen how hungry executives look at her on the street. He withdraws from contact, disquieted.I wish he would just kiss me, she thinks. I must paint him tomorrow.

if you are like me, without much literary talent and whatever, just vote la. okay. thank you!

**

i was in the library today. sitting in the children's section, reading bill amend's foxtrot because i cant find far side. a cute little kid was somewhat staring at me, i got worried, like, was i taking his seat. since he didnt look like he got violent tendancies, i continued reading my book. a while later, a pretty girl came over and asked really politely, excuse me, may i know where you got that book? since i got nothing against polite people, i told her i got it outside. she turned to that cute kid and repeated the same thing to him. i offered him the book. the next time i saw him, he got a couple more comic book and he looked immensely pleased with his finds.

i just proved that i cant write a short story. haha.

i cant find the pac@gov thing. bleh.
i cant wait for the 12th. civil servants get paid on that day.
i am still having my weird dreams.

i am going to start drawing a while later. lets plan out something:
today: draw and then sleep.
tomorrow: church and then RUB book.
monday: school, Word and work, outing with min, RUB.
tuesday-friday: RUB and school.
friday: estimated day of submission for RUB.
sat onwards: bible quiz preparation & personal projects!!!!

i think i will go for the surgery to extract my wisdom tooth la. food is always stuck behind there and then its really gross when i get it out with my tongue. sighs. really uncomfortable too.

):

elective mutism.
hmm.mm.

my brother was watching naruto the whole afternoon-evening. now i know naruto arent a bunch of hamsters running around. the hamsters one is called hamtaro. hahaa.

i think we all changed when we left design school. no one to bitch to in the studio. just yourself working in a firm. i think its really tough. i chose the easy way by going back to school. we change. we were supposed to rock the world.

):

2005-08-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

i cant seem to remember how to draw my name so i changed my bankbook signature to a thumbprint. that bank lady wanted to laugh at me but she didnt. haha.

2005-08-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

my moblie number mysteriously changed to a private number.
so it looks like this now: **** ****

hahahahaa.

(:

2005-08-03T18:19:00.000-07:00

my lecturer asked us this question:
who won the vietnam war?

i spent the afternoon break in the library reading about the vietnam war. the library was freezing and it was not so conducive for sleeping.

i didnt bring my wallet to school. so i had to extort a meal from cy. haha.

perhaps i am not antisocial, but i am just not so sociable. but i really dont like it when i need the loo and you say you would wait till i come out. can you imagine how much stress that is.

i think why God made so many eightthirty class for me. He wants me to experience first hand all His goodness in the morning. i woke up with three smses. it was really God doing all the work.

and i am having all that weird dreams during my sleep. everyday for almost two weeks already. ahhh!!

(:

2005-08-02T06:50:00.000-07:00

haha.

they thought i was
1. not antisocial
2. from jc
3. some ang moh pai

let me reiterate, i can speak mandarin.
i can read chinese words too.

(:

2005-08-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

whee~
i think i am always typing stuff that i think is funny but no one else think the same way and yet i would laugh insanely over them.

i am so tired. slept through the afternoon cos i thought i had no class tomorrow. but i am so very wrong. i have some communication skills lecture tomorrow.

i was ranting to leng that i have an irritating classmate. but i think i have done my best to be sincere and nice. because i thought of this conversation i had with yanleen during BS.

jiayi said she cant find jiejie's blog. when jiejie is ready to tell you, she will. dont go find okay?!

i kept looking out of the window that day hoping to see something. i am getting inspired so much lately but i am not doing anything but sleep. but then again, i have packed all my pathetic notes and i will start my readings tomorrow!

history lecture is cool. dr blackburn is a sloppy man but he reminds me so much of mr richard something that taught me photography. dr blackburn is such an interesting character to draw. i started doodling in my notes.

will hang out in the library tomorrow!

(:

timetable

2005-07-30T05:56:00.000-07:00

timetable
Originally uploaded by shirley_s.

i have a lovehate relationship with my timetable. its a three-day-week. but alot of essential modules are not in yet. they didnt give me any of my academic modules - ie, history classes. i never had to go begging for modules back then, except the year three dec semester in tp. i went to see cheeyong three times and he stamped REJECTED on the forms each time. haha. those were desperate days.

i kinda fitted much stuff in the middle. but they got deleted.

today was racial harmony day in school. as in QPS. had major fun. uncle william said that its because i try to act mature and all in school thats why i never had fun. but i didnt have to care about anything in QPS, so it was easier to have fun.

oh well. i will just head over to the archive room on monday.

this is insanely gorgeous.

2005-07-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

1149
2807

i have decided not to stay in hall.

***

now i feel like eating chweekueh. will be grateful if anyone would bring it to me place:
block 4 boon keng road.

you can call out loud from downstairs. i can pick up my chweekueh on my own.

(:

2005-07-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

i thought growing pains departed with the one in the tenth place in your age. i thought having issues with the mother ended when you are into your twenties. QED.

2005-07-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

history. its like a rekindled love sorta thing.
history. lectures are mondays eight thirty. is there a house i can stay in on sunday nights?
history. we watched this really cool mtv. not so sure about the lyrics yet. i like the mtv.
history. any animated ones? i watched steamboy.

i like the subdean. shes cute and funny and feels good.
the dean cant speak really well.

we had the freshman welcome.
feels cheesy.
they made us wear the academic gown to say our pledge.
our pledge doesnt count if we dont wear it izzit?
or is it just for photography purpose?

academic procession. i always like procession/march in.
stuff like that.
feels so formal and nice.
but i cant tell the diff between the hats?
the square ones and the soft ones.
haha.

i wondered if i could sell museli bars in LT.
people are all the time hungry.

i was lost in school.
totally didnt know the way but attempted to act smart.
didnt want to ask. think that the freshie thing ended at 17.
i sorta missed spectrum and heilos.
my OG in TP.
i got best freshie.
feel so stale now.
i cried at the last day of camp.
but the fligh thing at nie, i almost cried cos i thought i will miss the canoeing.

i saw shannen.
what a comfort to my dear heart.
that really warm smile.

samuel asked me if i wanna change to the secondary track.
i said - do i want to work that hard?
actually i dont mind, but i feel pretty convicted to do the primary.
its not cos its easier, nor is it because i end school earlier.
i would always want a challenge i feel.
but 3 reasons.
1. i feel God's gift to me is in children and children always have this special place in my heart.
2. i read an article - teachers for children are like nasa people at the launch of some spacestuff.
3. Proverbs 22:6

for the people who started school with me:
aicheng
angelene
lena
praying that God blesses you with many fruitful sessions in studies and Him.

ok la. need to sleep.

how do you fight the fire?

(:

2005-07-24T07:39:00.001-07:00

2005-07-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

2005-07-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

i think its tough to be me mom.
the argument went out of hand.
i feel especially bad because this is a sunday.
i am supposed to wear black today.

):

2005-07-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

i had a disagreement with my mother. i would think that i am old enough or she is old enough to not have that disagreement. it is just the other stuff that we disagree on other than my baptism. its just something that we never could agree so it keeps resurfacing and upsets everyone. i guess the most irritiating person in this saga is my brother, if he doesnt want to agree, just shut his mouth and not be sucha pest. i promise i wont take the same mrt with him to school next time. this is exactly like ian and audrey. sighs.

anyways, just realised that july is pretty much a birthday month too.
huimin, thaddaeus (13), josephine (14), amanda (15), my dad (20), meiying (21) and ivan (23).

so happy birthday ivan!

i dont want to talk to my brother.

carl jr's burger are okay for the first time. marina is an expensive shopping area.

really upset okay. i sound so childish.

theres GB tomorrow. i will see if i can go for coffee. calm down my nerves.

just realised that eve is going back tomorrow. havent got a chance to say hi till tonight. haha. praying for journey mercy. not that affected as she goes back without a chance to meet up cos we were not really that close but close enough to miss her while i was in the shower at camp. haha. when are you heading back?

(:

2005-07-21T23:09:00.000-07:00

i thought i will just finish up whatever i have yet to write then go do my chores.
didnt enjoy camp much because, as usual, people irritate me and i irritate people. we didnt have common values, common goal, and we were just there for the sake of being there, at least for me, the thing that got on to me was that nobody wanted to listen when somebody is talking and when the person is done, she asks again. i didnt like the planning committee's attitude, not that mine was any better, but considering their target audience is nineteen and above, we could do with a little more respect. bad planning, lousy attitude, was just not something to look forward to. we didnt even have microphones for the night events in the hall, though all of us were to be teachers, not all of us are blessed with good and loud voices. i have no comments about the games though some were quite gross, but games are all the same, it just takes a different attitude to play them. there was an event that seriously turned me off. the leaders were dressed up like ghosts and stuff to scare us in the playhouse - a drama place with plenty of mirrors. i didnt like that game, as much as i was rather scared, what turned me off was the fact that we derive joy out of scaring people. i am a killjoy, i told them that it was a meaningless game and that i didnt want to play it. acting like a true blue spoilt brat. they came up with a lousy rationale for the game, being from a design school, i've heard no lousier rationale than theirs. but i had fun on the second day, we had some game that required us to play outside campus. everyone was in rather jolly good mood, i had a friend who's willing to be enthu at certain times with me so it was better. but all in all, we were moving slowly and having our own fun. we even stopped by gelare because they had discount on waffles on tuesday. we went back late and somewhat i felt that the committee had degraded us to little punks. not the little punks like what timothy always calls us. its the kind that deserved no respect at all. but thank God, He has blessed the group with really lovely leaders who cared for us, took care of the details for us, shared stories of being a teacher with us, motivated us. (: we had supper with them on the last night which was pretty fun. i didnt sleep at all because i didnt like to sleep for an hour and have to wake up. spent time reading and worshipping and enjoying God's goodness that morning. thats all for camp, after two days it seems less negative.

i am one of those who are not posted to any subjects. perhaps its because of the range of my diploma that doesnt fit into any thing. but given a choice, i will read history. have always enjoyed history so i guess thats it for me. i will choose to remain in the primary track. and i will still, on my own read art history. i am not moving anywhere with that though. bleh. haha.

went to watch shuying's canoeing competition. rushed down in a cab, fell asleep in the cab, periodically waking up to check if i have enough money to pay. shuying was stylo when she was rowing man! shes so cool. i had lunch with aunty kf and sarah and we met hongmeng and kenny. went home to get stuff for slic and i ended up falling asleep. and overslept for slic. thankfully uncle kheeyin was there to give out the papers. aunty laimui thanked me for helping out with the home stay thing. haha. didnt do much, credit goes all to catherine who worked so hard for it.

saw ser on the way home from church on wednesday. she looked so cute with her hair covering her eyes. it was awesome seeing her cos she has always been really nice. she is looking for a job, hoping that God will bless her with a good one.

kaypohed a bit from her. theres actually three merit award winner. mr seet whom no one cheered for, peiqi who was late and weiliang who didnt go. it turned out that no one wanted mr seet to win, for what reasons, rather obvious. haha.

went to see baby yesterday. he looked good, not that yellow. mummy looked good too. daddy looks fine too. hehe. aunty laura, aunty sylvia and aunty suetfong came by too. we left as they arrived because we didnt want to clatter the house. uncle william made us try this burmese pickled tea. its horrid. and i am left wondering how am i going to be a missionary next time if i am ever called for that. haha.

(:

2005-07-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

is big/strong/vulgar words the only way to get attention?
strange.

i am still tired.
been deleting sms.

haha.

went to see baby.
he got little feet
and little hands
and little head
but plenty of hair.
fringe, sideburns, etc.
so cute.

happy birthday meiying!

(:

2005-07-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

camp sucks.

the above is for me to write about camp.
i wanna teach in a primary school.
i wanna read history.
art history.

the above is for me to write about choosing history.
canoeing competition.
lalaa.

tuition.

seeing ser.

kaypoh about graduation stuff.

will write tomorrow.
super tired.

2005-07-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

because i am going to camp soon, i thought i will leave you guys with stuff to read for a long long time. pray for me as i go for camp, i had wanted to extract my wisdom tooth this week so i could have a5daymc, but alas, a six hundred dollar mc is not to be wasted this way.

What's your name : shirley seah
Where are you : living room.
What are you doing : doing this.
WHO LAST:
1. Slept in your bed : things or human? things - junk, i am packing my room. human - me.
2. Saw you cry : booboo my doll.
3. Made you cry : my mum. cos i felt i havent been a good child.
4. You shared a drink with : my mum and my bro, at dinner.
5. Went to the movies with : myself. free ticket from tim though.
6. Went to a mall with : shuling, before we went to holland for coffee.
7. Yelled at you : no one really dares to yell at me.
8. Sent you an email : boss. i apologized for some wrong stuff and he reassured me.
HAVE YOU EVER:
9. Said "I love you" and meant it : of course - i love You Jesus, i love you, mum, etc.
10. Gotten in a fight with your pet : i have no pet.
11. Drank Alcohol : all the time until this year.
12. Been to Africa : nah.
13. Been to Japan : i watch japan hour all the time, does that count?
14. Danced : you are not supposed to dance when you have no left leg. haha.
15. Dreamed of something : yea. i dreamt that i was in melbourne. alone. WOOHOO~
16. Wished you were the opposite sex: once in a while during that time of the month.
17. Had an imaginary friend : yupsyups. no names though.
18. Beaten someone up : my bro deserve the undisputed honour of being the only one i beat.
19. Worst feeling in the world: dont know.
20. Future number of kids and their names: one boy and one girl. boy - at first, timothy, till i think of my friend, timothy, then joshua, till i remember my friend joshua. so no names yet. girl - macy, but i have yet to find out what it means.
21. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? : no. allergy.
22. Have you done drugs? : plenty.
23. Who is your current best friends?
24. What clothes do you sleep in?: whatever i come out of the shower in at night.
25. Where do you wanna take yourr married photos : some studio, i guess.
26. Who do you really hate? you.
27. Do you drive?: those who love me knows that my dream is being chauffered around. so, no.
28. Do you have car?: would like to have one.
29. Do you like being around people?: sometimes, most of the time i enjoy the quietness.
30. Do you have a kind of person you always go after?: dont know.
31. Want something you don't have right now ? a clean empty room.
32. Are you lonely right now?: nah.
33. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: hey jude, after i heard a band performing it.
34. Do you want to be married?: yes.
35. Do you want kids? yes.
FAVORITES:
36. Band : erm.. my sixteen band while they lasted. they are eighteen this year.
37. Colour: greeeeeen.
38. Perfume or cologne : neither, allergy.
39. Month : Christmas! haha.
HAVE YOU:
40. Cried : all the time, no reasons sometimes.
41. Bought something : yea.
42. Gotten Sick : yups, but seldom.
43. Sang: i try not to hurt the ears of the people around me. but i sing loudly at worship.
44. Told someone you love them: yepp.
45. Missed someone : yepp.
46. Hugged someone : yeaah.
47. Kissed someone : yeapp. my mom, most of the time.

+++

a lot of things to read right?
haha. i am clearing out my room. tough job but i want a clean room to start school nicely. i screwed up big time at work. and i lost my one dollar hairpin. blah.

remember that i saw a band that day when i left work early for coffee with aicheng? they played hey jude and i sorta like it. and i remembered that edwin lent me that beatles NO1 cd when i wanted the yellow submarine animation. so the very next day at work, i kept listening to it. then when i was on the NEL i heard it and cheered up a little. the tune feels sad-songish but it makes me happy. lalaa.

i threw away a lot of things, things that i never threw cos it meant just too much but today, it just went away. i want my room to be nice and clean and is condusive for reading. aunty kf scolded me for buying a new book but i deserved it. i have plenty of books left unread but since i was at bible house, might as well get one. anyways, i am very sure i will return her book tomorrow since i am at the last chapter. i will start reading more books and clear my shelf of my magazines so i can put up my books.

i feel myself creating a distance between myself and people. lost the ability to communicate well except in my dreams. haha. it doesnt quite affect me anymore knowing that you are back for many weeks but have yet to give me a call.

anyway, back to packing my room!

(:

hahaa. i am suddenly really happy because i FINALLY finished reading the disciple making pastor. yea! someone told me before that i should be reading paul's epistle, yes, i will, after Luke. found more motivation to read Luke. didnt see baby today, didnt see tim's new car. sighs. because i was not really keen to smile when i collected my diploma, i am not very keen to order the pictures, so for the entire graduation ceremony, i have only my diploma to remember by and that picture that serene took for me when we were about to leave.

today on the bus i saw the banners that moses was so proud of. bleeeah. and i saw moses, a school senior. then i wondered why moses is not at ye today. haha. a day of moseses.

allywallyy didnt buy me candy and i didnt prepare a feast for jiayi. i went to the coffeeshop instead of main service. i was feeling really cold today. and thanks debra for her big backpack. went to my darl's house and edited her history homework. that little kid ah, i dont know what is she thinking as she was writing her homework.

i wanna draw stuff but i cant think of stuff to draw.

i was thinking about presents today. making a present is harder than buying a present because
1. my ungiftedness.
2. its more than just suitablity of the present.
3. its about having the personality of the receiver into the present.

not that it was meant to be understood.
anyway, i think i was so distracting during teaching today by david. i was passing notes to jolene.
but i was listening. next time if my students pass notes and i catch them, i would throw the book at them. but i dont think david would throw his bible, so i was quite safe.

i found my dollar hairpin for a brief moment before i lost it again.
i kinda argued with my mom today. the funny-i-told-ya-so bickering would be a better name.
i dont wanna go for camp.
lalallaa.

(:

2005-07-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

my mum said that i was an easy baby to give birth. she was in labour for less than an hour. i thank God for that. i am not very happy. blah. i am going to sleep.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!

2005-07-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

strangely disappointed today. dont ask cos i wont tell.
baby's real cute. and mummy looks well. daddy looks tired. pray for the family.
aunty doris is somewhere out in the sky i think.
mr john sent me home with shuling and catherine and junhao.
bertram is soo cute.
the mocha at delifrance is surprisingly nice.
boss gave a treat. thank you boss.
super tired now that my jaws are aching.
a lot is going through my head. i will have to do sth this couple of days.
stuff to do:
1. ask priscilla about end times flyer
2. tamil ministry thing
3. rub book
4. presents ....................

(:

2005-07-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

it is 13 july. 2005.
i cant stop smiling.
neither can a lot of people.
he got me so excited from ten onwards.
hahaa.

thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus.
thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus.
thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus.
thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus.
thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus. thaddeaus. thaddaeus.

a charming gorgeous fellow i guess.
i am so excited.
hahaa.

praise God that both mother and child is safe.
praise God for this joy He placed in the lives of the tham.
praise God for everything!

its a day of thanksgiving!

(:

2005-07-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

i got somewhat of a revelation just a moment ago. haha. i cant find the tickets for my graduation ceremony. and i forgot what time must i go to school and i havent call my darl to pass me the sleeping bag and i am feeling tired despite coming home early from work today.

i dont like a lot of things lately. what i enjoy a lot is coffeebreak. i like cafe mocha with plenty of whipped cream at starbucks. i like the chocolate powder on top of the whipped cream. i dont like it in a disposable cups. disposables irritate me a lot strangely. as much as i know i can make cafe mocha at home with milo and coffee, i like starbucks. so i go to starbucks. (: i kinda like that thing that mr john drinks at brekos. its sweet and sweet. stuff that i like. i like the ice cream in the cafe mocha at terracafe whatever the name is, but i dont really like the coffee. i like the godzilla drink at the coffee shop.

i dont like people pretending to understand me. i think each person is a complex thing that cannot be understood fully. i dont people to question me unless the issue of accountability is being raised. i dont like people to act smartass with me. i hate it when i do that too.

i have issues with myself that i cant resolve but i dont want to talk about it because it would be like the other time where i cant articulate myself and then i dont know how to tell people but after a while, it seems like God saw the desires in my heart and then made all things fine after a long long struggle. struggles are like papercuts. i dont know why but everything seems like papercuts to me. havent got papercuts cos i havent been doing anything. i cant decide whether its a major booboo or a minor booboo. with all that booboos, reminds me of that booboo toy i had which i brought to unclewilliam&auntyjo's house. and with all that booboos, i just cant wait for the baby to be out.

thursday feels important to me. somewhat. a little. i cant believe that theres no eyecandy that i hope to see when i go back to school. HOW TRAGIC CAN DESIGN BE?! hahaa. i am just kidding.

whats going on on thursday
1. my last day at work.
2. my graduation ceremony.
3. aunty jo's birthday.
4. something that i was telling baby that day. made mummy so confused why was i whispering to her baby.

i couldnt think of anything at work today. i was so unproductive that i have decided to bring my work home to do. its not really fair if i dont do tangible work when i am paid by the hour. its not like 1602 where i dont mind surfing for pictures and illustrations for a whole day. it just doesnt feel that way at BSS. i feel more compelled to do WORK.

with school starting, i feel i like coffee more and more. yesterday was a dontknowwhatatthemoment to go for coffee. then aicheng said she would go with me so it was like really nice cos shes so wise.

they asked why do i have to leave so early when school is two weeks away. i guess i need to clean up stuff and all. i miss them already. they are really cool people.

(:

2005-07-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

i like the timpani.

i have no idea how it really sounds like.

oh well.

i watched a short band performance at raffles city.

aicheng and i left office early for coffee.

i walked home from bible house at armenian street.

i dont like percussionist.

):

2005-07-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

i was reflecting, but i forgot.

i didnt realise that the newsletter is supposed to be tomorrow. i think i forgot all about it. i forgot what time i gotta reach church too. i am a brain. a scatterbrain.

i like seeing allywally and jiayi on msn when i am at work. her hohoho just cheers me up. haha.

i got a lower backache today.

i am officially and legally bonded to the govenment for eight years and liable for 100000 dollars in liquidated damages.

i think i belong to the generation of tofu kids. before i start working, i lament the working life. thats why i wanted to study, anything at all. but what i really want is to go to lawn-don to study illustration. catherine said she fits my criteria, but cant accomodate to the monetary issues. neither can i, to be frank, but i wanna go somewhere. to drink coffee. to sit and watch their world move.

this is supposed to say that we are gonna rule the world with our works.
but my colleague say i am just trying to escape the world.
i am? oh well.

(:

grad

2005-07-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

grad
Originally uploaded by shirley_s.

dear friends, this is a sneak preview of what i will be wearing for my graduation ceremony. i met all the criterias. (1)shoes (2)jacket (3)longs. i totally made it man. hahaha.

2005-07-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

i think its not the big things i need my mom to help me with. i wont be upset even if she doesnt come for the graduation thing, cos i am going for cell after that, so no point for her to come and see a few seconds of me on stage shaking some hand then posing for some stupid photo in some lame teeshirt. ya, i am wearing a teeshirt for graduation, does anyone really cares? only moses, i think. and cheeyong will be in his oversized shirt, hehee. stuff like what kind of education, etc, etc, my mother doesnt really care. but its really the small things that i really need her. i need her to take me to the doctor when i have a slight fever, i need her to be with me when i cut my hair. when i buy my jeans, i want my mom to be there. i think i am a strange kid. oh well. my mom is this awesome woman. hehee. but one big thing i need her to be there, when signing my teachers training agreement.

i absolutely detest one kind of people. the kind that dont bring camera to any event, then expects you to take her picture and then send it to her at your expenses. especially this particular woman from a particular organisation whom i am not particularly fond of except for a church friend. its not the aunty kf kind, aunty kf tells you to bring your camera to church to take photos so that you can send it to her. she puts it so explicitly that i can only do it. but then at least she makes herself so clear that you bring the camera just because she wants, you get what i mean? unlike that certain person who expects me to meet her just to give her the photo. oh well, the only thing i wanna do is to avoid her and members of that organisation that i am not particularly fond of.

God is extremely gracious in the form of my boss. both big and small i guess. they gave me a pay increment. something that i dont think i deserve but so graciously being given. i feel rich now. a little la. you dont work for God to earn money. or praises. or anything at all. we have given already a wonderful gift. (:

lalalalala~

i think melbourne will be nice. so seeking a companion who fits the following criteria:
1. a female
2. independent and cheerful
3. have her own plans for the trip so we dont have to stay together 24/7

yea!

***

my brother has just volunteered himself to go with me for the trip. provided that its sponsered by yours truly. he can go dream now.

anyways, i think i delight in others' happiness.
now that aicheng and changlong are getting married, they are spreading so much joy in the office. we watched their new flat introduction and had a great laugh over it. hahahha.

(:

2005-07-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

stuff on my mind now:

1. how to chaokeng so i dont have to do the newsletter?
2. what to write for the testimony for youth sunday?
3. which passage to do for bible study on thursday?
4. should i go for the photo taking tomorrow?
5. gradutation or no graduation ceremony?
6. more white teeshirts or black teeshirts?
7. to deny or admit?
8. to go to work at nine or ten thirty?
9. should i go watch bertrand lee's film@25singaporedollar or not?
10. what are some places that are summer-ish in december? meiying said if i go visit angelene, i will get 50dollars sponser from her.
11. do i have to go to school on Christmas eve like i did last year?
12. do i have enough money for some starpiak?
13. buy two teeshirts, two shorts, one jeans, shoes, socks, two teeshirts, two shorts, etc.
14. i thought i was quite funny in cell but they laughed at me and said i wasnt.
15. how did we overrun by twenty minutes today?
16. why dinner was lousy? i think it was because i cooked it.
17. i want coke. coooooke.
18. i am putting on whatever weight i lost.
19. i still cant finish the stupid quiz.
20. twenty thoughts kinda enough.

(:

2005-07-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

i went for a talk, i didnt understand half the talk.
all along i thought i could write pretty decent essays in chinese,
but i cant.
i cant even explain a field trip in chinese.
terrible terrible.

2005-07-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

“他就說、你們來同我暗暗的到曠野地方去歇一歇”- 马克福音6：13

今天我说了谎。没有骗人，一直都是骗自己。厌倦了，累了，没有所谓的感觉了。东西多做了，就只想自己静静的沉思，自己反省。他竟会说同我暗暗的到曠野地方去歇一歇，不就是因为累了才需要休息吗？马太福音11：28说他的心里是柔和谦卑，凡劳苦担重担的人，他都能使他们得到安息。我在想，我是不是被这个繁华的世界蒙盖了我的眼睛，心不再是一心一意的跟随着他。我会害怕，若我站在他面前，他说，我不认识你，我会如何？

was reflecting on the verse i see almost each morning when i go to work. its SAC's new extension, Quiet Place. so they have this verse from mark 6:13.

i am still pondering on matthew 11:28-30. heard from lots of people, but i have yet to come out with my own thoughts.

28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

***

anyways, as i was seeking a quiet place to rest today, God sent very noisy people in the form of david, gabriel, and jesse. i was sitting in BK to wait for seven to come so i can meet min and all, but they saw me and came in to join me so it was not very quiet. as usual, they talked about stuff that i had no idea about - dota, whatever you call it. anyways, david says hi to people who knows him and he knows.

i saw lisa, then lem, i was hesitant to look on, but God, being the gracious God didnt give me things that i cannot take.

anyways, i was so embarassed when i went back to change the guitar strings for the second time. the aunty looked at me and said - wrong strings again ah? she wasnt insulting or sarcastic , but plain amused at my cluminess in buying guitar strings.

(:

2005-06-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

i so wanted to have a meal with my mother. but it turned out that to have lunch with my mum, i have to take a number and be placed on the waiting list.

the hard facts of life.

(:

2005-06-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

i wanted to post something but i decided against it.

lalala.

(:

2005-06-28T06:30:00.000-07:00

i went around showing the picture of our little kid again. he is so cute. i hope we can contribute a little to his community. not that we are superb or anything, we cant do anything without God. He's the real provider. i cant wait to see him draw, i am sure he draws real well. perhaps we need to send him something before he will write back. how exciting right? and one of my colleague from another department sponsers a child too. see, we are nice people at bible society.

one of my colleague, in our conversation, indicated that i was rather naive. not that i dont know anything, but i would rather not know them. God is the head of the household, whom should we please but Him. thats what i told her. (:

i went shopping. for a book. to finish up the vouchers from ian,juan,sarah. before i share what i bought - I AM NOT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION. the title of the book is - MY DEPRESSION. it looked really cute so i bought it. its an illustrated book. speaking of books - yanleen still has my books. and william. i still have aunty k's book. i wanted to buy a french self study book. but i think knowing all that qu'est que vous avez a boire? bonjour! au revoir! doesnt really do much for me. i am bad at learning stuff anyway. might as well learn cantonese or malay. more feasible. shopping in KL requires some cantonese. and johor is just a drive away.

maybe mom will allow me to go for a trip on my own at the end of the year. on my own. i hope. i cant always be dependant on other people. i need to grow up and care for myself and my loved ones. somewhere nearby will be good, maybe hongkong? pretty similar to singapore.

need to get stuff from muji tomorrow.

i am tired. supposed to draw tonight but i am tired.

(:

2005-06-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

i was just thinking about having a best friend of the opposite gender after reading viz blog on viv blog. its so cute how their names seem so alike. then i forget now what i wanted to say.

i would go around flaunting my toy panda yesterday but i was not allowed to. still, lots of thanks to you for the cute little toy. so i went around flaunting my little boy. hes so adorable. with cute little pink cheeks. i feel like i am a proud mother, hahaa.

i received your card. thank you! it was only one sunday, you know i will be back!

i am not going to extract my wisdom tooth i think. i am scared. very scared.

i feel like eating bananas and chips.

i still got a couple of things to make for a couple of people.

(:

2005-06-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

i was reading my sad_mocha hotmail emails. and i realised thats where they have been sending mails to. haha. i kept a lot of stuff in that email from a long time ago. theres a lot of encouraging messages from my brothers and sisters in Christ which i kept for a long long time.

was reading stuff that i sent to mr chim before.
i was sucha joyous and happy kid back then. very crazy, kinda haphazard, a bull in a chinashop, living my life without a care, not because of very strong faith back then, but cos i think i didnt know anything. five years passed. grown older, spent more time thinking, still cant hold a conversation. a little weary, disillushioned with life before, but more certain of my position in God. i wouldnt know how to live life like before. joy jie came for the bbq just now, she was talking to mr joshua. mr joshua said that if he could live his life again, he would change parts of it. i just looked up - i wouldnt want to change anything at all. for twenty years of my life, i risen and fallen and some things dont matter as much now because all that endless pursuit of it during my youth made me tired and made me see the neccessary evil of it.

i was a happy kid. and i am a happy adult to be.

we had cell outing just now. thank you God, thank you junhao/catherine's mummy, thank you junhao/catherine and zhicong - i think we sorta made him the maid or sth. it was a very nice evening spent together.

i was sharing about making friends easier in the dark. like in the dark segment of the darkroom. hahaha. lame.

i was sharing a lame joke. its proven lame and thus shall be presented to you. hehee.

monday - thursday was tiring. then friday came and i spent half the day in church doing nothing but feeling so recharged. talked to william about some stuff troubling me and aunty kf enlightened me about some stuff too. talked to junhao during the SLIC day and is nice. lala.

i am just looking forward to baby, and everyone to get married in the cell. hahaa. mr joshua was saying that he will probably get me to make his wedding card too then i asked whens he getting married or does he have someone in mind. hahaha.

xiangyun came to GB today and i am so glad to see her. but i forgot that i should be talkin to her. i am sucha lousy officer. i should have talked to her personally about personal growth. argh. lousy me.

i picked sth up from uncle william's office to give to a friend. sounds cheapo but its the thought that counts, like the cloth book, like the books sewn, like the little note in your book, like the cat hp accessory, the hippo clips, the little bag, like the rainbow pictures, they cost nothing really much but cos i get reminded of you all when i see them so i buy them. i associate people with certain things, so when i see them, i will remember you. so i remember some people some day so i wont forget all my friends. when i saw suan la tang, i thought of denise. i like giving presents, but i am kinda stuck at your present.

i am incoherent now. when i am tired, i hear voices.

i always found ACTS in the bible a little tiring to read, but i think its not tiring at all. perhaps the mind has grown a little more erms cant find a word.

aunty jo was sharing about a little about marriage cos joy's friend is getting married and she doesnt want to move into a hdb. aunty jo said that she moved into st peter's hall with uncle william and slept in a bed that is slanted, i presume like the pews in my church. marriage is really sticking out with each other, loving each other and encouraging each other in the ways of the Lord.

i need to shower.

(:

2005-06-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

you know my computer almost died a while back.
yesterday i almost killed my printer.

i made my first cloth book!!
hahaha. i wanted to say i'll never make any more cloth books,
but i was so awed by the results i cant bear to say.

i am glad to say i am a happy child now.
(:

2005-06-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

i realised that i was trained as a photographer before. for a little while at least. but i am not going to harbour any thoughts of taking good pictures until a long long time away.

todays my off day. but i woke up at seven cos i thought that i got something on at nine. got the dates wrong.

i am hooked on kokokrunch. i have it for breakfast, dinner, supper, after lunch snack. i wish i could have it for lunch too, but i have lunch in the office. and lunchtime is nice cos they talk about stuff i have never given much thought about. yesterday we talked about pre-marital sex. and we saw uncle william.

my computer died yesterday but my brother revived it.

i am making chicken steak for lunch. hehehee.

(:

2005-06-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

i am going to see the dentist tomorrow and i am scared. i mean, the dentist is scary la. at least to me.

today was a scary day at the office. i mean, when your colleague and your boss has some disagreement in an open door office. i freaked out, took out my headphone, plonked it on and remained hard at work for the next fifteen minutes.

been going up to uncle weeseng's office for excursions. hahaa. yesterday after devotion, he invited my other colleague and i to go see his office and then he gave us this bookmarks as a souvenirs for visiting. so today, when he came down to view our new office extension, my other other colleague suddenly suggested that we should give him something too. so when we couldnt find anything for him, we started to kanchiong, then we decided to give him the 道 talk flyer. hahaha. it was lame. me and my other colleague were fighting over who not to give to him. i had the honour in the end, cos he was my buddy's father. hahaa. my buddy's godma came and said i got flabbier arms than my buddy. being an older person than shu en, its logical okay! hahaa. i've decided to make something for my buddy cos i realised that i havent made anything for her in ages and i kinda miss reading the notes she used to write to me. aiya. today i finally met my other other other colleague. hahaa. we always said we would feast together but then we never met each other more than three times in the last four weeks i worked there. in fact, for the last four weeks, i have only made it to the office for nine days. hahaha. what kinda work. haha. i was not only full, as in stomach full, but then my mind was so filled with the stuff they talked about. i tell you, lunch with one graduate from theological school and the other currently studying theology, and another who attends like, every talk available, and when they all talk in chinese, all i can think of is really ah? i was awed by the conversation. too sensational for me to type, i cant really type all of them out anyway. then when they speak in chinese, its kinda hard to understand. i think my chinese's not too bad, but terms they used are just not for the average chinese speaker.

so it was an exciting lunch time. and nobody in the office seemed to know which level youth for Christ is, then i had to call james to find out.

did i mention, i am going to the dentist tomorrow. its freaking me out. hahaa. i know, i mentioned it already. i am becoming lame. and thinking of lame, hahaa, li en, i got something for ya. hahaa. lame.

i cant really talk that much cos the right side of my face hurts like anything. and its not even an ulcer. how i wish it is an ulcer and its also not like my wisdom tooth is growing. its truly a pain in the neck. i mean, the pain goes all the way down to my neck.

i realised that i am not journalling as much as i would like to. writing is something difficult for me, as you can read from all my disjointed thoughts and incorrect grammar and misspelled stuff and limited vocabulary and wrong use of and and repeated words.

i realised that i spent more than i earn. i am broke lately. like really really really broke. and i am really really really mean broke and i still want the addidas jacket and i really wanna go shopping. is there anyone who owes me money? dinners? lunches? nobody ever owes me breakfast, cos i never wake up early enough to really meet for breakfast. besides, i only like homemade breakfast.

today, my other other other other colleague came by my shared desk with my other colleague. she looked at me so i whined a bit to her and said that i got a toothache/ulcer whatsoever. and its hurting the half of my face and then she offered me panadol. and then she starting using her authority as a mother of a cute child to say that i dont drink enough water and how dry my lips were and that i should drink more. shes so cute. i dont know what caused me to be so scared of her. the whole scene reminded me of ro mama who always complain that how come i drink so much water and still my lips are so dry. i really wanna know but its okay cos i dont wanna see a doc after i go see a dentist.

then my other other other other other colleague came by and my other colleague helped take a pic of him for me and then she's so proud of her photography.

and my big boss actually knows my name. so cool right.

oh. btw. i dont want to name any of my colleagues because i realised that theological school people seemed to know a lot of people. ie. uncle william. he couldnt even walked through the booths at GoForth whereas i walked till sian, played with baby, ie, peace, talked to mothers, ie, beeyong, talked to fathers, ie uncle hock chuan, see, hahahhaaa.

theres SLIC tomorrow. i gotta remember.

(:

2005-06-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

i feel very blessed by the three days conference i've attended. i feel that it was a call by God to attend the conference. the speakers were great. they spoke with deep conviction for the work that God has tasked them to. they spoke words that carried urgency. words that hit the heart about the relationship i have with God. especially Rev Edmund and Mr James Taylor, whom i believe is the IV. have i caught the vision of God or am i just floating around in ministry. am i prepared to consecrate myself, filled with the deep conviction of God. will i be isaiah and say - woe is me because of my sinful nature and then respond inmensely gratified and joyous saying - here i am, send me! mr james taylor IV preached in mandarin, speaking better than i could ever speak mandarin. lighthearted but serious. i've learnt a lot. i took notes and i think i am gonna buy that conference CD, you can ask me and i will help when i can.

i was very blessed by the worship too, led by the Almighty working in a talented worship leader - mr clement chow. frankly speaking i had no idea who he was until timothy kept saying - quick go in, i dont want to miss the worship by the famed worship leader or the likes. the worship wasnt like the planetshaker kind, think - hands up, jumping and going - i wanna be a reflector. i felt it was a quiet worship, because we were concentrating on the time with the Lord more than anything.

workshops can get dry but the last day, i attended two workshops that spoke to me even though the context and circumstances are not right yet. its preparing me, that kinda thing. one led by mr ron and the other, uncle weeseng. i cant believe that li en and shu actually stayed in china before. and chinese farms are the best place to lose weight according to uncle weeseng. hahaa.

its not just a missions conference, it was a timely reminder of the nature of God.
loving, full of grace and compassion, empowerment, strength, rest, magnificent, refuge, i could go on forever.

on a lighter note, i made breakfast for them, most of them compliments, i should make one of the egg mayo for uncle william cos he didnt get to taste it. thankfully i made extras, cos uncle pakchee and aunty laura hadnt had breakfast before coming.

timothy was a big distraction but great entertainment during the conference.
shuling was also entertainment with all her funny antics.
junhao showed himself as a interesting entertainment too.
catherine was not so much on entertainment, but she entertains too.
william was busy socialising to entertain me.

hahaa. these people are awesome. men and women after the Lord's heart.

i pray that the Lord burdens me with the needs and then disciplines me to pray then convict me to move.

O Sacred king
O Holy King
How can I honor You rightly
Honor that's fit for Your name

O Sacred Friend
O Holy friend
I don't take what You did lightly
Friendship instead of disgrace

For it's the mystery of the universe
You're the God of holiness
Yet You welcome souls like me
And with the blessing of your father's heart
You discipline the ones you love
There's kindness in Your majesty

Jesus those who recognize your power
Know just how wonderful You are
When You draw near.
-matt redman

(:

2005-06-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

just had this wild thought going through my mind, not as wild as the many decisions i have made lately, but its funny-wild.

can i celebrate my birthday in october?

2005-06-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

egg mayo.

its not that easy to make egg mayo yah? at least i think so. until yesterday, it was the first time in my life making egg mayo. the last time i made it was in secondary two, for the TD POP'99. hahahaa. those were the days.

if you want pepper, bring your own.

(:

2005-06-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday viz sir sent some silly sms that made me laugh.
today viv ma'am left a message that made me smile.
no wonder they are two of my favouritest people from red cross.

i am going for GoForth, and guess what, church is subsidising.
hhaha.
i took half a day off. got stuff to rush tonight.
in a very good mood. maybe cos i refuse to think of stuff that irritates me.

i shouldnt be typing this now.
i went for dinner with william and jo and uncle johnny.
so strange, uncle johnny. haha.

i kinda miss red cross camp. like i always said,
i go for camps for the people. the big people. not the little people.
if you get what i mean.

lalalaaa.
i am going to wake up early tomorrow!
(:

2005-06-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

i just realised that in ministry, you cant really totally completely avoid people, not even for a day. maybe not, for two days.

i am torn between whether i have diarrhea or gastric problem. but it was unbearable yesterday, today and the day before yesterday. called in sick yesterday, didnt make it to work. just curled up on my sofa, looking miserable, feeling miserable and is miserable.

saw jingmei from the bus today. gave her a call.
viz sent me a message. ha ha. so funny.
we had complimentary tickets for PCK the musical. lame-O.
finished the NBQ publicity. some changes to be made.
saw mun. haha. he said hi. must tell the world, especially alison. haha.
saw plenty of people at the musical, starting with:
jiayi, kim & max
uncle ben
john, junhao, meiying
shuling, mummy jo, daddy william
joshua
timothy
aunty laura, edward
aunty jennifer, andrew
caleb, joel
rev soon, mrs soon and john
actually theres more. but i cant remember.

my friend is back safely from Europe.
my friend is having exams.
thank God for journey mercy, pray for wisdom and God's guidance upon her.

HELLO KINNY!!!

and ivan, can you please get the email for me, pleaseeeee! thank you (:

(:

2005-06-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

today i had stomach ache. it feels doubly bad cos the flu not gone yet.

i realised that i am not scheduled for GB this sat also cos of GoForth, and i am also taking thursday and friday off for that, and if i decide not to go for GoForth, i will have four days off, and if i can take wednesday off too, i will have a five day break. i have till 15 june to make a decision.

i am putting my phone away for a while. i am contactable at home.

i am not coming online. i will be contactable by email.

i am taking a break!

jingmei quit her job.
denise came back from UK.
shirley is going to sleep.

(:

2005-06-11T04:32:00.000-07:00

the word is regular.

shirley : you know, sanitary pads, they have the heavy ones, the ... ones, ...
juan : overnight?!

tim in the background flapping his arms like wings.

hahaha.
chilled out at tim's house after treetop walk.
seriously i was such an embarassment in the morning.
and not many people thought i could make it.
but thank God for the people who waited for me.

(: